The Bachelor: Colton’s Hometown Date Bingo

Alright folks – it’s been a while. I’d like to blame the shittiness of this season for my lackadaisical approach to this season’s recaps, but the reality is my job has been a lot like that bear in The Revenant and has just been thrashing my limp, nearly lifeless body like Leo over the past few weeks. Regardless, I couldn’t miss out on one of the most important events of the Bachelor season – Hometown Date Bingo.

Here’s how it works. Click here for a link to a randomly generated bingo card. Print out one, print out two, print out a thousand and give them to all of your friends. Congrats on having a thousand friends, by the way, you must be really fun at parties. If you have no friends and/or want to save paper and the earth, you can also play from your phone, tablet, or computer. Each square will have an event that is likely to occur during the episode on it. I’ll be live tweeting the episode from @CrickWatsonMD using #BachelorBingo, so throw me a follow and when one of these events transpires, you’ll see it pop up on your feed. When it does, mark it off, take a big gulp of your alcoholic beverage of choice, and keep playing.

When you get five in a row (column, row, or diagonal – we’re leaving that clusters and four corners bullshit back in third grade where it belongs) – here’s what you do. First, finish your goddamn drink. Second, taunt all your friends about how you’re so much better than them. Third, and most importantly, tweet a picture of that sweet, victorious bingo card to me and I will reward you with you all the fake Internet points I can muster.

For shits and giggles, here are the squares we’ll be using:

  • “I’m in love with Colton!”
  • Colton drops the “L” bomb
  • “There’s still 3 other women…”
  • Colton jumps the fence
  • Girl cries
  • Bangable mom
  • “This is my favorite place!”
  • Colton cries
  • Hotter sister
  • “Are you ready for marriage?”
  • Grandparent sighting
  • Mom kisses Colton on cheek
  • Life chat with Chris Harrison
  • Visible weapon
  • “Virgin”
  • Noticeably absent family member
  • Girl says “Daddy”
  • Colton gets denied permission to propose
  • Girl takes Colton to her job
  • Parent cries
  • Noticeable haircut/dye job
  • Colton hugs a dad
  • Family member drinking hard liquor
  • Reference to Fantasy Suite
  • Pet sighting
  • Embarrassing childhood photo
  • Hannah G gets a rose
  • Caelynn gets a rose
  • Tayshia gets a rose
  • Cassie gets a rose
  • And of course,
  • “Right Reasons”

Have fun, get drunk, and enjoy Bachelor Monday!

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