The Internet is a wonderful tool. We use it to keep up to date on the latest news, scroll through endless forms of free entertainment, and it connects people worldwide. Unfortunately, some of these people are unscrupulous assholes. This past week one of the assholes reached out to me.
Before I share the correspondence between myself and the would-be crook I’d like to point out a few tips to help you spot a scammer yourself.
- First and foremost, anyone who asks you for gift card codes is almost certainly a scammer.
- look at the email address you’re receiving this mail from. Look for small things like numbers where letters should be and the domain name. For example, g0v3rnment1RS@gmail.com should raise a few red flags.
- Lastly, look at the grammar. Most scammers, for whatever reason, have very shitty grammar.
Now that you all know how to spot a scammer. Here’s how you fuck with a scammer. It all started when I got an email from my “manager”…
After a quick look at the email address I knew this had to be bogus. However, I also had nothing else to do so I decided to play along.
Asking for steam Wallet gift cards was a pretty bad move too. So I had to question his choice in client gifts.
This dude wanted me to drop $500 on gift cards! On top of that he wasn’t even going to accept Old Country Buffet. Seeing how i’m such a nice guy, I offered to drop the cards off in person.
However, I couldn’t let his slight on Old Country Buffet stand. In an absolute power move I let him know how this operation was going to go down.
The only greater display of power at this point would be to lock eyes and piss on his desk. Unfortunately, I can’t do that through the internet. I made it clear though, Old Country Buffet gift cards are the best choice for any client base.
In an additional power move I let my manager know I’d be using one of the gift cards. But, this is where I could have potentially fucked the joke up. Telling a scammer that a gift card doesn’t have a bar code is like a eunuch sending a dick pic, worthless. Also, asking for an ID I knew didn’t exist was pretty ballsy too.
I was getting nervous. Had I lost him? Was this rapacious cunt on to me? After two meals and allegedly spending the night in an Old Country Buffet, I demanded an answer.
This was it. We were back in the game, baby. But, this guy just wouldn’t let go of the Steam Wallet idea.
Finally, we had a fair compromise and I was promised to be repaid in full. This is how deals are made at Old Country Buffet.
You know what’s better than an $8.99 pie? A $5 pie. And do you know what every client would love? A free pie. I even offered to get him an extra pumpkin on the house!
This is where my “manager” disappeared and all hypothetical hell broke loose at the office. We were stuck with $500 worth of imaginary pies and no client list. We had to let the scammer know this isn’t how we conduct business.
I got the regional and zone manager involved. It was serious at this point. I can only assume he lost his job. But, I still decided to follow up and find out what happened about a week later…
To my surprise, I heard back. The regional manager must have been lenient on him. And the “clients” must not have enjoyed the pie.
The balls on this guy. Fuck me? FUCK ME?! I’m the one who got stuck with a hundred pies! But, I decided to be the bigger man and apologize.
Just like that we were back in business, or close to it.
I demanded justice after being slighted, and I would not budge until I got a heartfelt apology.
Justice was served, and finally it all came to a conclusion. It was finally time for the Coup de grâce.
In conclusion, revenge is a dish best served trolled. Every day scammers like this take advantage of people causing irreversible financial harm. I’ll continue to do my part messing with these shitheads for the sake of content and sheer enjoyment, and I urge you all to do the same. Also, I’d like to take a moment and give a big, “thank you” to Old Country Buffet. I couldn’t have done it without their amazing pie promotion.