February is unquestionably the worst month on the calendar, and this year’s edition was exceptionally brutal. The Super Bowl was unwatchable dreck. The weather in most parts of the country resembled that of planet Hoth’s for the better part of four weeks. Each work week seemed to drag on FOR. EV. ER. Despite lasting only 28 days (Not even a leap year this year!) it felt like this irredeemable month was never going to end and that we would be stuck in a gray, listless, moribund moment in time for eternity.
But folks, we’ve finally made it out of the wilderness and into March, a vastly superior month. The vernal equinox will be here before you know it, and even though the weather might not necessarily feel like spring, we’ll still clear the important mental hurdle of the astronomical season changing from winter to not winter. The start of daylight savings (Non-Arizona division) also offers a slight reprieve from this seemingly never-ending spell of seasonal depression by casting some sunlight in the evening hours so that the commute home isn’t made in complete darkness. Vegetation, which most of us forgot existed because the grass and plants have been supplanted by layers of ice, snow, and barren dirt, slowly starts to grow back and add some much-needed color to the outdoors. Although the March weather on a whole may not differ too much from what February brought, it’s the little signs of life in spring’s infancy that make a huge difference between being totally miserable and only slightly miserable.
You like sports? Buddy, do we have some sports for you this month. The college basketball Madness that bears this month’s namesake will descend upon us faster than you can run out of the office to the local bar on the first afternoon of the tournament, and soon enough you’ll be gambling yourself bankrupt under the illusion that Sam Houston State can keep it within 18.5 points against North Carolina on a neutral court in Des Moines. MLB is even getting in on the March fun, opening their season earlier than ever before on the 28th. So many great opportunities to play hooky or set your second desk monitor to watch daytime sports this month! And that’s not even including the winding down of the hockey and basketball seasons.
We definitely know you like alcohol, and March is replete with drinking occasions. The Gregorian calendar dictates a late Easter this year, which means Mardi Gras (Or Pardi Gras, as it is affectionately known in some places) falls at the beginning of the month. If you really want to get irrational, you could party for Pi Day. And of course, there’s the number one drinking day of the year: Ash Wednesday. Rub some ashes on your forehead, get a little bit of the blood of Christ in you and go crazy you party animal!
Saint Patrick’s Day is pretty fun too, I suppose. Some people will act like partying for St. Paddy’s is beneath them and that the day is for amateurs, but pay no mind to them. If you want to enjoy yourself by throwing back a few Irish Car Bombs at eight in the morning, dressing head-to-toe in green, and acting a fool in public then knock yourself out. You should not literally knock yourself out, however, because you don’t want to make the amateur move of ending up in the hospital or county jail.
Every February is a slog, especially this year, and personally I don’t know if the reason for struggling so much this time of year is purely mental or something that science can explain. Either way, I eagerly await the day I can flip the calendar over to March and flush out the previous 28 or 29 days. This March even has the added bonus of starting on a Friday! We’re already off to a good start by virtue of beginning a new month. Additionally, there are five weekends in March this year, the most you can possibly have in a month, so that gives you more to look forward to than February could ever offer. With all that and more, let’s have a kick-ass month everyone. Dee’s pumped, and you should be too. IT’S MARCH!