The secret is most likely out that most of us writers here at The Clock Out are pretty friendly with each other. We’re chums, we’re pals, we’re comrades. Compadres, associates, homies, down ass bitches – you get the gist. We shoot the shit on the reg, and one day, as the conversation volleyed between high school reunions and awkward sexual experiences, someone casually asked, “How many cups of coffee do you go through a day?”
My response was my honest answer: “Seven.”
And just like a sweet, precious little coffee bean, I was roasted. Well, more like interrogated about my habits and my digestive system – it’s fine, BTW. If you don’t already know, I am a teacher. And I was raised in a house of two learnin’ teachers: so seven cups of coffee a day is really not a shock to me, as I grew up with my parents who brewed a full pot-o-joe every AM and split it before work. I’m still surrounded by people who drink as much of the stuff as I do: I socialize and associate with mostly teachers. (Hi, be my friend?) Caffeine – especially coffee – is a PED for teachers. We do not thrive without it. No, what really surprised to me was learning how much coffee the fine, “normal” people of this nation drink.
2?!? Apparently, that’s all you need to get that full Big Dad Energy. You can listen to Icehouse project that Big Dad Energy on The Dadgum Podcast.
First, let’s define a “cup” of coffee” A quick search would lead the people to believe that 8oz is a standard serving, which contains 95mg of caffeine. 8oz won’t fill a mug, so we’ve got to up that number to 10oz, assuming you drink it out of a standard mug all day. This would contain 119mg of caffeine.
I’ve recently changed my coffee drinking habits. I used to drink pre-workout when I got up to go to the gym because 5:00 AM is an ungodly hour to be awake and I needed a huge shot of something to wake my ass up. That was around 350mg of caffeine, so for the sake of rounding, I am calling that 3 cups of coffee because for intents and purposes it was ruining me just like a normal cup of coffee would. I’d then get to work and have an average of two cups before lunch, and one cup around 1:30/2:00 PM. That puts the count at 6 cups or 720mg of caffeine a day.
Realizing how fucking awful that is for me, and the fact that caffeine began to have no noticeable effect on me, the last couple of weeks have just been around 3.5 cups a day. I drink roughly 14-16oz of cold brew before the gym, one cup when I get to work, and another after lunch. I’d like to think this will be much better for me in the long run.
Honestly, all I can picture now is Cush figuring out ounce to milligram conversions and ratios on the windows of his home while slugging mug after mug of coffee. He’s a really intelligent person and no doubt just knows this, but I’m still going to picture him pulling ‘A Beautiful Mind’ on this one.
For years, I always swore off coffee. Not for any other reason than needing it to be functional. I resisted at first, opting for tea or nothing. Slowly but surely, I started drinking coffee. Now, I’m at least one and usually two cups a day. The first being as soon as I get in and the second usually after lunch or when I get home for maximum energy post work.
This is reasonable, level-headed, even-tempered and mature, very Madoff-esqe. But I don’t understand just 2 cups of coffee!
I’m a one and done kinda chick. That is unless I’m feeling super hippy bougie yogi crunch and decide to opt for green tea instead.
One?!? How do you live?
It’s usually a large cup in the morning for me and a little cup in the afternoon if I’m having a hard day. I’m on a huge iced coffee kick lately though, and I could do a gallon of that a day.
Delph on a gallon of coffee is not something that I would ever, ever, ever want to be around personally, but I would like to see the video. I also picture him cooking his coffee over a small crackling fire in the woods. Has this happened? Dunno, maybe he’ll elaborate on his Mountain Man Podcast.
Fun Jenna fact: a while back, I gave up caffeine completely for two years. After I got through the initial feeling of wanting to murder someone, I actually really did feel better living a caffeine-free life. But then, coffee found me. Or more specifically, a Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce latte found me and it’s been my once-a-day habit ever since. One-a-day isn’t that bad, right? And those Coke Zeros I have sometimes don’t even count.
One-a-day is for children. But the Grande Skinny Cinnamon Dolce is really good, I’ve had a few.
Whatever Lola Wants:
As much as I love coffee, I am not one of those people that enjoys a cup before I officially start my day. Probably because I love sleep more, but I digress. I’ll occasionally be a good person and Keurig a cup to take along, but normally I grab my first cup as soon as I get to the office. Then I fall victim to the get distracted and drink half the cup then it’s cold situation before I refill. This happens more than I would like to admit and because I take a later lunch I’ll often still be sipping away past noon. When it’s all said and done, I’d say I average 3 cups of joy a day.
3!? Okay, okay. Also, cold coffee that was once hot coffee is a complete shit situation… but I still drink it because I can’t leave children alone, plus it’s better than no coffee at all.
The number of cups of coffee that I drink every day is the same number of cups I have drunk throughout my life: 0. Coffee is for cowards. Coffee makes you weak. Coffee is those who can’t close.
I just… how? I mean, I guess more for people like me?
7:30 wake up. My mind is fuzzy. I hit snooze to dull the pain.
8:35 five hour energy to get the blood flowing
9:10 sixteen ounces of coffee. Black. WaWa. Community pot.
10:00 Water. Great Value energy packet
1:15 Lunch. Water. Great Value energy packet.
2:15 coffee. Black. WaWa. Community pot.
8:15 Bowl pack of cannabis. It takes the edge off.
8:30 Mandarin orange sparkling water
10:00 Ice Water.
Ben Jammin, while you have some interesting ideas and comments, it seems that you’ve misunderstood the assignment and thus, have been marked accordingly.
Well, there you have it. When all is said and done, most of us are just click-clacking away with only one or two cups of coffee in hand, except for this gal right here. The cheese stands alone on this one, fam. I guess it’s a good thing that March is Caffeine Awareness Month, because really, I guess I could cut back on one (or two, possibly three) cups a day.
Man, this month is going to suck.