Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: College Basketball And Sex Robots

Happy Monday, my friends! Are you having a good morning? I am – I’m off today, so I’m likely snoozing as you read this, and that’s really all I need in this world to be happy. It’s also what I did for most of the weekend, so my weekend was a good one. Or better than these people’s anyway.

Duke Basketball

Here’s a stat for you: for the first time since 2009, UNC has swept Duke in their regular season games.

The final win in the streak for UNC came on Saturday, when they beat the Blue Devils 79-70 in Chapel Hill. Of course, Duke was without Zion Williamson, who was injured in the last meeting with the Tar Heels when his Nike shoe famously came apart.

Both teams are 26-5 and are locks to make it into March Madness, with UNC making a strong push for a number one seed. But I’m betting right now, UNC is relishing that sweep until the ACC tournament starts for them on Thursday.

[Via Bleacher Report]

Will Wade

Another team we will likely seem in March Madness is LSU – but their coach Will Wade will not be with them.

Wade was suspended indefinitely by LSU on Friday after he was caught on a wiretap by the FBI discussing an offer to a recruit.

LSU made the following statement on Friday when announcing Wade’s suspension:

The conversation was between Wade and Christian Dawkins, who was convicted in October of conspiracy to commit wire fraud for funneling illegal payments to families of recruits to Louisville, Kansas and North Carolina State. Wade has been subpoenaed to court in April for a bribery case in which Dawkins is a defendant. According to Yahoo, part of the conversation includes:

“I was thinking last night on this Smart thing,” Wade is heard saying on the wiretap. “I’ll be honest with you, I’m (expletive) tired of dealing with the thing. Like I’m just (expletive) sick of dealing with the (expletive). Like, this should not be that (expletive) complicated.”

“Dude,” Wade continued to Dawkins, referring to the third party involved in the recruitment, “I went to him with a (expletive) strong-ass offer about a month ago. (Expletive) strong.

“The problem was, I know why he didn’t take it now, it was (expletive) tilted toward the family a little bit,” Wade continued. “It was tilted toward taking care of the mom, taking care of the kid. Like it was tilted towards that. Now I know for a fact he didn’t explain everything to the mom. I know now, he didn’t get enough of the piece of the pie in the deal.”

Dawkins responded by saying, “Hmmmm.”

“It was a (expletive) hell of a (expletive) offer,” Wade continued. “Hell of an offer.”

“OK,” Dawkins said.

“Especially for a kid who is going to be a two- or three-year kid,” Wade said.

Rumor has it the player Wade was discussing is Javonte Smart, a freshman guard who did wind up at LSU and partially responsible for the team’s success this season. Smart did not play on Saturday vs. Vanderbilt, during which LSU students showed their support for Wade with signs and heckling LSU athletic director Joe Alleva. Because he’s wrong for suspending someone who broke NCAA rules?

All of this begs the question – can we just start paying these kids already?

[Via SBNation]

French Nicki Minaj Fans

Fans in Bordeaux, France were disappointed on Saturday when Nicki Minaj pulled out of a scheduled show after most of the crowd had arrived. Minaj took to Twitter to explain the cancellation:

But the fans weren’t having it – and their reaction was priceless: they started chanting the name of Nicki’s rival Cardi B as they departed the stadium.

This isn’t the first time Nicki’s pulled out of a show at the last minute on her Juice WRLD tour; she did the same thing on February 22nd in Bratislava, Slovakia and instead attended a carnival with her boxer boyfriend. Sounds like she’s got her priorities in order.

[Via USWeekly]

This Stupid Woman

And yes, she’s a moron. Because she entered an enclosure to take a selfie with a jaguar. I’m sure you can see where this is going.

The whole thing went down on Saturday around 6:45pm in Litchfield Park, Arizona at Wildlife World Zoo. According to Rural Metro officials, the woman, who is in her 30s, climbed over a barrier and was “attempting to take a selfie near the fence of the Jaguar enclosure when the cat reached out and attacked her arm.”

There’s a video on Reddit of the moments following the attack, but you can google that shit on your own if you want to see it. The woman suffered an injury to her arm and was taken to the hospital for treatment. More importantly, the jaguar will not be euthanized because some dumbass ignored a safety barrier and the cat reacted how a wild animal normally would.

[Via AZFamily]

Porn Stars

We all knew that the robots were going to come for our jobs, and the first ones they came for (pun intended) were the porn stars.

In a new movie by film studio Pirate, a man is caught by his girlfriend having sex with a robot in a Barcelona bordello; Sofia Curly and Dorian Del Isla star with a sex robot from Lumidolls, which operates robot brothels in Barcelona and in Moscow. So I guess the robots are coming for the prostitutes too.

According to Patrick Garcia, head of development at Private, said:

“It’s a bit tongue in cheek but it was fun to do. The cast had a blast. Computer-generated imagery and robotics are going to be a big part providing content in a cost-effective way that meets personal or very niche tastes. Men, women and couples will be watching content designed with them in mind or engaging in flings with androids built to please. Technology is satisfaction’s best friend.”

Okie dokie then.

[Via New York Post]

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