Did I just find the end-all litmus test for whether someone is racist or not? Many are saying yes. Here’s what I think. If you own two or more NBA jerseys from a team, and more than one of them is a white player’s jersey, you’re racist.
Let’s say you’re a Celtics fan (gross) and you have a Gordon Hayward jersey. That’s extremely chill. Maybe Gordon Hayward is your favorite player. Maybe you love the comeback story. Maybe you’re a fan of gristly injuries. It doesn’t matter. You don’t need a reason. It’s your only jersey. But what if you buy a second jersey, and you choose to adorn your back with Aron Baynes’s name? That’s right, you’re a racist.
There’s plenty of reasons to have a white player’s jersey as your only jersey. You’re allowed to be a fan of whoever you want. This is America. But to have two white guy’s jerseys? It screams racism. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. In a league that’s under 20% white, it just seems like you have an ulterior motive when choosing which players you root for. Maybe you’re racist and don’t even know it. Maybe this is some time for introspection.
This test holds true for any team in the NBA. You’re a Denver fan with a Jokic and….hold on while I check ESPN…Tyler Lydon jersey? Racist. A Jazz fan with Grayson Allen and Kyle Korver jerseys? You’re a racist and also just the worst person. You root for the Warriors? Congrats, you can’t be racist, since they only have one white player (shout out Jonas Jerebko).
The only exception to the rule is if you have a throwback superstar jersey. This clause allows you to have, say, a Gordon Hayward jersey and a Larry Legend jersey. That’s tight as hell. But if your next jersey is a Kevin McHale, I’m putting you back on the racist list.
Obviously, the legitimacy of this test changes depending on the sport. There’s a little more leeway with football, a lot more leeway with baseball, and if you have more than one non-white NHL jersey, you’re probably racist and overcompensating to cover it up. The NBA though? No more than one white guy’s jersey. That’s the rule.
Did I just solve racism? Who do I call about receiving a Nobel Prize?