By now, you’ve heard that Lori Loughlin, aka the beloved Aunt Becky from Full House, has been indicted on charges of conspiracy to commit mail fraud and honest services mail fraud after paying $500,000 to have her two daughters designated as recruits to the USC crew team even though the closest either of them had come to being a crew member was taking selfies on the rowing machine at their over-priced gym.
Many people were surprised by Loughlin’s alleged criminal activities, given the squeaky-clean image of her iconic character. But if you look closely at Rebecca Donaldson Katsopolis, the signs were there…
She Acted Like Uncle Jesse Wasn’t Hot
John Stamos walks into a room, even now at 55, and my jaw is on
the floor and my brain would not be able to form coherent sentences due to his
excessive level of handsomeness. But not Aunt Becky. She acts like she’s
meeting any average looking joe, while I guarantee her insides were melting at
his hotness. So clue no. 1: able to fake
her way through anything.
She Uses Sex As A Weapon
Never trust a woman who uses sex as a weapon. So…never trust any of us. Clue no. 2: untrustworthy.
She Didn’t Freak The Fuck Out About Having Twins
I’ve got to tell you, the thought of punishing a human watermelon through my vagina is enough to give me nightmares. But Aunt Becky wanted to have a baby, so she’s cool at the gyno. However, she and Uncle Jesse find out that they are having not one, but two babies, a fact that would send any normal woman into a straight-out panic, particularly when you will be adding this extra little person to an attic apartment in your brother-in-law’s house. While Uncle Jesse goes into to-be-expected panic spiral, Aunt Becky’s totally cool. Extra baby? Fine. No problem. Which leads us to clue no. 3: totally cool under pressure.
She’s A Criminal Mastermind
Ok, so maybe a prank on Joey about winning the lottery isn’t exactly criminal, but did you see how positively gleeful she was about the whole plot? Nevermind that she solicited minors as participants. I mean, it’s all right here. I’m sure prosecutors will play this clip at her trial as Exhibit A. You can see clue no. 4 right in her eyes: deviousness.