How are you all feeling after celebrating St. Patrick’s Day yesterday? A little hungover? A little, dare I say, green? Well, you may want to pass on celebrating Sloppy Joe Day today, but there are plenty of other holidays for you to celebrate this week.
Monday, March 18th:
National Awkward Moments Day
AKA most of my life.
National Biodiesel Day
I’m always confused – is this better or worse for the environment?
National Lacy Oatmeal Cookie Day
OMG, I love a good oatmeal cookie.
National Sloppy Joe Day
Fun fact: I’ve never had a Sloppy Joe. Am I missing out?
National Supreme Sacrifice Day
From NationalDayCalendar:
This day honors those that have made tremendous sacrifices for the sake and the good of others as well as those who sacrifice their lives every day for us.
We may most readily call to mind the men and women in uniform who have laid down their lives protecting their country and communities. This day also honors those who may have stepped forward during times of crisis to rescue a stranger or a neighbor and gave the supreme sacrifice that day.
These sacrifices don’t always come in uniform and are often unsung.
Goddess of Fertility Day
Shoutout to Venus. The goddess, not the planet.
Tuesday, March 19th:
National Certified Nurses Day
We love our resident doctor, Crick Watson MD, but everyone knows its nurses who get shit done.
National Chocolate Caramel Day
I’d murder someone for chocolate right now.
National Let’s Laugh Day
That’s why The Clock Out exists!
National Poultry Day
This may be unpopular, but I prefer turkey over chicken in my poultry choices.
World Social Work Day
These people are fucking heroes.
Tea for Two Tuesday
I love tea. My favorite? Harney and Sons Hot Cinnamon Spice. #notspon but would accept #spon.
Wednesday, March 20th:
National Kick Butts Day
Let’s kick some ass today, my friends.
National Little Red Wagon Day
You guys have one of these when you were a kid? They were cool.
National Native HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
Important. More information can be found here.
National Proposal Day
I propose you stop posting your proposals on Instagram.
National Ravioli Day
Pasta stuffed with cheese? Yes please!
Spring Begins
But does it really?
International Earth Day
To celebrate, plant a tree. Or pay The ArborDay Foundation to do it for you.
Extraterrestrial Abductions Day
We better hope we all get abducted since Earth is going to cease to exist if we don’t get our shit together.
Thursday, March 21st:
National California Strawberry Day
I’m gonna celebrate with a strawberry milkshake. And maybe a strawberry shortcake. And an English muffin with some strawberry preserves.
National Common Courtesy Day
Can we make this every day? I’m tired.
National Countdown Day
To what? Personally, I’m counting down until Easter when I can shove Mini-Eggs and Reeses’ Eggs in my piehole.
National Farm Rescuer Day
Support your local farmers. Seriously.
National French Bread Day
The best part of going to France? That it’s perfectly acceptable to walk down the street gnawing a baguette like an animal.
National Fragrance Day
Also, in France, they have these cool places you can make your own perfume. (Have I mentioned I’ve been to France? I have. More than once.)
National Single Parents Day
Shout out to the best single parents I know, my mom and friend of The Clock Out Kyle Bandujo.
Absolutely Incredible Kid Day
Which is all kids. Unless they are being assholes.
Credit Card Reduction Day
Um…..yeah.
Friday, March 22nd:
National Bavarian Crepes Day
Yum yum give me some.
National Goof Off Day
Which you obviously celebrate by reading The Clock Out all day.
National Puppy Day
Need some puppers to look at? Check out The Clock Out Pet Of The Week.
National West Virginia Day
Madoff is the only person I know that lives in West Virginia and he’s cool, so ok.
Saturday, March 23rd:
National Chia Day
National Chip and Dip Day
Potato chips and French onion dip? Tortilla chips and queso? I’m here for all of it.
National Corn Dog Day
Another fun fact: I’ve never had a corn dog. Again, am I missing something? Let me know.
National Melba Toast Day
You know, this is one of the things I didn’t like as a kid but have come to appreciate as an adult.
National Near Miss Day
You guys ever read the missed connections listings on craigslist? That shit’s funny.
Sunday, March 24th:
National Chocolate Covered Raisin Day
The only single-item holiday since I’ve started this column and we are celebrating Raisinets?