It’s March Madness time y’all and you know what that means! Your inner degenerate gamble can be loosed on the world, everybody will be anxiously looking over their shoulder as they alt+tab between the day games and actual work, and everyone will be creating their own brackets for random other subjects.
From “the Best Rapper of All Time” to “Worst NFL Coach Ever” or “Funniest Episode of Seinfeld,” we’re about to see all sorts of random crap seeded like a C-USA tournament finalist. So I was unsurprised to see a heavily retweeted bracket of the “Best Sci-Fi/Fantasy Movies of the Last Decade.”
And I’ll admit, I was intrigued. As a huge Sci-Fi and fantasy fan, I was interested to see if there were any questionable seeds or choices that might make me reconsider my own feelings on movies. Instead, I was left shaking my head at what is possibly the WORST bracket of any subject I have ever seen.
The first big problem, pointed out immediately by the wonderful Noam, is that this bracket is not Sci-Fi/Fantasy exclusive. Now, I already had a problem with the fact that they didn’t do either a pure Sci-Fi or Fantasy movie bracket, but I get it. Those genres can bleed a bit into each other. I don’t even mind that the superhero movies and Harry Potter movies are in here because technically they do fit the description.
But how the fuck is The Conjuring in this bracket? That is not Sci-Fi, that is horror, all the way. How to Train Your Dragon isn’t fantasy, it’s a Pixar movie. Same gripe with Coraline, Toy Story 3, and Zootopia. Skyfall is an action movie, through and through, not an ounce of Sci-Fi involved. Get Out is another horror movie. The Muppets are on this fucking bracket. HOW in the actual hell is The Muppets in any way a Sci-Fi or Fantasy movie. So first thing I’m doing is dropping all the non-Sci-Fi/Fantasy movies on here. Before we even think of re-seeding this bracket, all these movies need to get cleansed from this abomination of a bracket.
- Inside Out
- The Conjuring
- The Wind Rises
- It Follows
- The Lego Movie
- The Muppets
- How to Train Your Dragon
- Midnight in Paris
- Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
- Get Out
- The Cabin in the Woods
- Toy Story 3
- The VVitch
- What we do in the Shadows
Now once those movies are removed, we need to find some Sci-Fi/Fantasy flicks to replace them. Luckily, we have no shortage of replacements because this bracket absolutely butchered it in the films they snubbed.
I mean, you have a bunch of Marvel movies on here, but you’re omitting fucking Infinity War? This movie is missing Jurassic World? Snubbing 10 Cloverfield Lane? I mean, these are 3 or 4-seed movies getting snubbed from the bracket entirely from movies that, as discussed, don’t belong anywhere near the bracket.
I’d replace the fallen choices with the following movies:
- Source Code
- Alien: Covenant
- Avengers: Infinity War
- Spiderman: Homecoming
- Dr. Strange
- Ready Player One
- The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
- Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
- The Road
- Jurassic World
- 10 Cloverfield Lane
- The Dark Knight Rises
We’re going to re-seed this bracket in just a moment, but before I do I have a few issues of where some movies were seeded that I must get off my chest.
- The Shape of Water as a 7-seed. I don’t care if it was controversial, this movie won fucking Best Picture. That earns them at least a 3-seed, if not a 1-seed. And if your reason for seeding it so low is that it’s not Science Fiction-y enough, well that’s my problem with this whole fucking bracket!
- The Last Jedi as an 8-seed. I’ve been on record that I thought this movie was an abomination of a movie, let alone a Star Wars movie, and I’m not alone in that regard. This movie is seeded higher than Wonder Woman and the original Avengers. That is a full-scale no.
- Attack the Block as a 1-seed. I’ve never seen this movie, so I feel bad knocking it, but when I see it has a 90% Rottentomato rating (and 74% audience rating), that is not a 1-seed. Especially when you have movies like Ex Machina, Inception, Spider-man: Into the Spider-verse, and Logan out there.
- Annihilation as a 16-seed. Fuck off with this.
- Blade Runner 2049 as a 15-seed. Are you fucking kidding me??
- X-Men: Days of Future Past as a 15-seed: What? WHAT???
- Avatar as a 13-seed: *slams head repeatedly against wall*
- Kick-Ass as a 5-seed: this gif
So I have re-created this bracket with appropriate movies and actual non-trash seeds. Please tweet this at iO9/Gizmodo and let them know they need to feel ashamed
1 Interstellar v. 16 Star Wars: the Last Jedi
1 Avengers: Infinity War v. 16 Kick-Ass
1 Inception v. 16 Predestination
1 Mad Max: Fury Road v. 16 Source Code
2 The Avengers v. 15 Her
2 Arrival v. 15 The Hunger Games
2 Dredd v. 15 Hereditary
2 Black Panther v. 15 Prometheus
3 Ex Machina v. 14 Captain America: the First Avenger
3 Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse v. 14 The Wind Rises
3 Guardians of the Galaxy v. 14 Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
3 Thor: Ragnarok v. 14 War of the Planet of the Apes
4 The Shape of Water v. 13 The Dark Knight Rises
4 Logan v. 13 Only Lovers Left Alive
4 Captain America: the Winter Soldier v. 13 Alien: Covenant
4 Edge of Tomorrow v. 13 10 Cloverfield Lane
5 X-Men: Days of Future Past v. 12 Elysium
5 Looper v. 12 Dr. Strange
5 Spiderman: Homecoming v. 12 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
5 Blade Runner 2049 v. 12 Pacific Rim
6 Gravity v. 11 Ready Player One
6 Star Trek (09) v. 11 Your Name
6 Avatar v. 11 Annihilation
6 The Martian v. 11 Snowpiercer
7 District 9 v. 10 X-Men: First Class
7 Captain America: Civil War v. 10 Moon
7 Star Wars: the Force Awakens v. 10 Jurassic World
7 Rise of the Planet of the Apes v. 10 Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
8 Wonder Woman v. 9 The Road
8 Predators v. 9 Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 2
8 Attack the Block v. 9 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
8 Under the Skin v. 9 Deadpool