This morning was like Christmas, as we all awoke to the greatest present of all time: a trailer for the new season of Stranger Things! That’s right, Ele, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Hopper, and the rest are back with some more 80s nostalgia and I am about it! The deceased demogorgon dubbed Dart may be dead, but the trailer is showing that there may be a new, badass, D&D-based monster from the Upside Down coming to get us this summer. Here’s a breakdown of everything I saw in the trailer that got me hyped to the max yo!
The Motley Crue score at the beginning is always a win. I’m gonna go listen to “Kickstart My Heart” on repeat because I’m so goddamn amped up.
I love everything about the opening. Dustin returning from summer camp, the rest of the gang messing with him by having Eleven pretend there’s some more paranormal, Upside Down crap going on when really it’s just her being telekinetic, scaring Dustin, and him hitting the gang with some hairspray (in a great nod to the fact that Steve’s teachings have not gone to the wayside).
The kids are all noticeably older and I’m glad the show acknowledges they’re no longer tweens but full-fledged teens.
Will has the same haircut as Coconut Head from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide, which is giving me both 80s and early 00s nostalgia feels.
This also keeps in continuity with Will being the biggest wet blanket on the cast (really hope this is the season he gets dragged down to the Upside Down with Barb).
ELEVEN HAS LONG HAIR! GUYS SHE HAS LONG HAIR THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Also, that’s quite the Farrah Fawcett hairdo she’s rocking. On that note, I love that the show is drifting a little more towards the glam 80s hair and fashion as shown in this trailer. Before it was very middle America, now it’s looking like a Miami Vice knock off and I’m all about that.
The transition to “Baba O’Reilley” now? Oh dear God Duffer brothers you are the best.
What is that knock-off antennae they’re building and how is it going to communicate with space. Is the Upside Down somehow in space?
Nancy and Jonathan are dressed up at the post office. You can’t get married at the post office can you? Or are they meeting with their weird writer/conspiracy theorist friend after all the fallout that came from them publishing the secrets of Hawkins lab in Season 2?
Is it just me or does Billy look like he’s lost some tone since Season 2? Like not that he’s gotten fatter, just lost some definition. He needs to hit the gym a bit harder.
Having said that, he’s still got a way with the ladies, as evidenced by that female lifeguard giving him the eyes. Doesn’t matter to me because Billy fucking sucks (I know I’m in the minority on this) and I hope he also gets dragged to the Upside Down with Will and Barb ASAP.
Miami. Vice. Hopper. Christ that is a fit.
“We’re not kids anymore,” Mike says. MIKE AND ELEVEN ARE GONNA BONE AND THE VILLAIN OF THIS SEASON IS GOING TO BE THEIR UPSIDE DOWN BABY I’M CALLING IT!
I know everyone hates Max (again I’m in the minority of liking her), but is there a cuter duo than Max and Ele hanging out in one of their bedrooms? I mean I guess if you had a puppy and a teacup pig playing it a pool of cotton balls trying to stay awake.
Dustin appears to be getting rejected by two girls atop a hill? With that hair? I’m calling fake news.
“Did you think we were gonna sit in my basement and play games for the rest of our lives?” Mike asks a sad-looking Will. I mean, I’m sure Will was thinking that considering he has absolutely nothing else going for him other than being a connection to the Upside Down. God he’s more boring than plain, white rice.
Dustin and Steve have a secret handshake involving lightsabers! If they went and saw Empire Strikes Back together I will lose my shit!
Eleven’s look of wonder at the bright, shiny food court is how I look every time I go into the candy aisle of my local grocery store. I’m probably pre-diabetic.
Oh shit y’all we’re going to a Fun Fair! It’s funny, because there is nothing “fun” about a “Fun Fair.”
Hopper’s ‘stache is on point. Also, definitely got into a scuffle at the Fun Fair. Not so fun now, eh folks?
Was that Vinnie Jones of Gone in 60 Seconds fame in that funhouse? And if not, why couldn’t they get Vinnie Jones? They got Paul Reiser last season for God’s sake!
Upside Down lighting around Eleven and her being in some Upside Down pool…as foretold in the Season 2 finale is getting me maximum pumped.
Oh shit, Billy got bit by something from the Upside Down! He’s gonna die or get dragged under! My greatest wish has come true!
Electric explosion onto some Bioshock-looking guys makes me think that maybe Hawkins Lab is still working on something involving the Upside Down, even after the news of their experiments went public!
Oh HELL yes. We get some more Erica Sinclair baby, lets GO! I don’t like that she’s in the fray of the action though. I need her in the background throwing pitch-black shade onto her brother and his dorky friends.
We get quick a series of quick cuts that damn near gave me a heart attack from excitement.
We see rats running around, some blonde dude (possibly Billy Zabka, possibly the Hawkins mayor) walking around like the creepiest smiling zombie ever, some of the gang (Steve, Dustin, Erica, and the new girl who looks to be Steve’s coworker) looking out at something, Hopper rocking another Miami Vice fit and holding a silenced pistol, some portal from the Upside Down emitting a white beam, spinning teacup ride at the fair, Jonathan looking at some Upside Down beast emerging from the shadows, Lucas with his slingshot (!!), shots of Nancy and an eye (maybe hers), some butts in those 80s leotards, dude in a flat-top that I’m now fairly sure isn’t Vinnie Jones with an assault rifle, Max and Eleven glammed out as hell taking some photos together (again, cutest pairing ever), two zombie-ish looking women (can’t say who they are to be honest), Steve with a gun to his head (noooooo!), a different cute lifeguard giving eyes to Billy, Hopper and Eleven running through the fair, someone falling, Eleven and Mike kissing (woooooooo!), someone pulling a siiiick drift move in an old station wagon, Will in the rain looking all evil (just let the Upside Down have him), the conspiracy theory/journalist dude freaking out in the middle of the fair wearing nothing but a wife beater, a woman who I think is Joyce? Falling into a black pit, and Eleven about to go Super Saiyan. If your heart rate isn’t jacked up right now I would go see your cardiologist; something is wrong with you.
The key scene in those quick cuts though is ELEVEN WITH SOME EGGOS, DOING SOME ELEVEN SHIT BLINDFOLDED WITH AN AMERICAN FLAG BANDANA! USA! USA! USA!
We get a reveal of the demogorgon 2.0 and I must say (s)he is quite formidable. I swear to God, Dustin, if you don’t let the gang kill this one while it’s in tadpole stage I will make you ride those teacups until you puke.
The new season drops on the Fourth of July.
The Duffer brothers clearly hate America because they know damn well no one is going out to grills, relax in the sun, and watch the fireworks when they could be glued to the television watching Stranger Things all day and night. Or maybe they’re just trying to thin the crowd so they can get a better spot to view the fireworks. Oh you sneaky little bastards.
Mark your calendars, boys and girls.