Columns

I’m the Office Gambling Guy

So, after 4 years with the same company, I think I’ve finally found my meal ticket. No, it’s not the fact that I have gained valuable skills using software that zero other employees know how to use. It’s not the fact that I am almost a licensed professional in my field, or even that people like me here. I’m just the guy everyone comes to when it is time to gamble on a sporting event.

Let me be clear that I am not talking about gambling odds or tips or anything useful like that. Honestly, I couldn’t even tell you what a “parlay” or a “money line” is. But when something comes around that can be used an excuse to take money from each other here at work, everyone looks to me to organize it. So, I guess I am the office gambling guy.

A few years ago, I took over the inter-office Fantasy Football league from a guy who left the company. There’s been some speedbumps and I’ve made some enemies because for some reason my work team is always in contention. However, it’s going smoothly, and I am looking forward to taking people’s money in the upcoming season. For the Superbowl this year, I took the liberty to organize squares. I won’t say that people will give me the chance to organize it again next year, given that I fleeced everyone for all 4 quarters this first time around. Some people called shenanigans, but I blame the result on the most boring Superbowl of all time with very little score changing. And as of today, I have completed the trifecta, having rallied the troops for an inter-office 3rd month of the year college basketball championship dance tournament bracket competition. *whispers* You have to be careful with copyright infringement these days.

I’ve never been much of a gambler to be honest. Whenever I go to a casino it is generally 20 bucks in the slots and call it a day. If I win, I put that in my pocket and keep going with the original $20. If I lose it, well, it was only $20. Office pools are a different story. I love ‘em. It isn’t so much as the chance at winning money, it’s being able to talk smack to your boss with zero repercussions all because lady luck found favor with you instead of them. There’s a certain thrill in walking up to a superior with a shit eating grin on your face as you go collect your winnings. Sure, they can probably afford to pay you off and then wipe their ass with another $50 bill and not think twice about it, but that’s not really the point.

So, what’s up next? The Masters? I could definitely get behind a Masters pick’em.Kentucky Derby is another big one. But then we are only through May and we need something to scratch that itch through the summer. Wimbledon, World Cup, Summer X Games anyone? Ah hell, I’ll put out some feelers on Skype and see if we get any bites. There are always a couple of other degenerates hanging around these parts looking to place a bet.

In the meantime, go join our 3rd month of the year college basketball championship dance tournament bracket competition for a chance to win some of our very own MadoffInvestment’s homemade jerky!

Disclaimer: Gambling can be a serious problem and I write this only in jest. If you or someone you know does suffer from gambling addiction, there are resources out there to help.

Leave a Reply

Leave a Reply

  Subscribe  
Notify of