Happy April Fools’ Day, everyone! What a glorious time of the year, am I right? Who doesn’t love a good prank, gag, or joke? No one, that’s who. Only a person with no sense of humor wouldn’t be elated to find out they are the victim of a hilarious prank as they start their workweek. But how should you prank your friends and coworkers as an adult? In the past, you could have gotten away with something simple, but not anymore. You’re a grownup now, and grownups take pranks to another level. Here are some ideas.
Tell A Guy That You’re Pregnant
An oldie but a goodie, am I right? This holiday classic never ceases to get laughs, and it’s easy to execute! All you need is a poker face and a boyfriend/FWB/fuck buddy/one night stand that you have no qualms about emotionally destroying! Hell, if you don’t have a good poker face, you can even do this over the phone. Find that guy who you slept with six weeks ago and then ghosted because you “weren’t in the right place for a relationship” and send him this text:
Hey ______. I know we haven’t spoken in a while, but I have some news that you should hear. I’m pregnant, and it’s yours. We should grab coffee this week and figure out how we want to move forward as soon-to-be-parents.
Hahahahaha. Isn’t that a great prank? And the best thing is, you never have to let them know it’s prank. You can just block their number and let them live the rest of their lives wondering if they have a kid out there. Classic!
Give Your Boss A Letter Of Resignation
What, you thought the office was off limits for April Fools’ Day? Hah! They wish. You and your boss have a good relationship. Remember when he bought you lunch on your first day of work? And that time he told you to “have a good weekend?” Yeah, you could say you two are practically BFFs. And what do BFFs do on this joyous holiday? Prank each other, of course.
Simply draft up a letter of resignation (or open the one you wrote 3 months into this job and have kept “just in case”) and add a “P.S. April Fools! See you at work tomorrow!” to the end of it. Place it in an envelope on his desk, and then dip out for the day. Not only will your boss know you have a great sense of humor, you also get a half-day out of it. Don’t undersell it, though. Turn your phone off. Clear out your desk. Throw yourself a goodbye party with your coworkers. When they realize you’re joking, they’ll all love you even more!
Break Up With Your Significant Other
Are you in too serious of a relationship for the pregnancy prank to work? Would a baby on the way be seen as a “blessing” instead of a “nightmare?” Are you a guy, and don’t think your girlfriend would buy you telling her that she’s pregnant? Not to fret, I have another great prank for you. Just break up with them! Not for good, of course, but just for, I don’t know, eight or ten hours? Hilarious. Watch their whole world crumble in front of their eyes as they go through the harsh realization that the person they love, and perhaps even thought they would spend their life with, does not feel the same way. Maybe tell them you’re cheating on them. Maybe even actually cheat on them. A good prank knows no limits, and I have no doubt they’ll agree it was hilarious when you finally come clean.
Give Your Pet Away
What, you thought only humans enjoy a good April Fools’ joke? Hell no. Your dog, cat, or pet chameleon all deserve to experience the joy of a good prank, and you’re the cool owner that will deliver. Simply surrender them to your local shelter (as a prank), and then drive away as they whine and cry in their new cages. When you pick them back up, their faces will make it clear the appreciation they have for you and how funny they think you are. Hell, they may even get into the holiday spirit and prank you back by pooping in your shoes! The joke that keeps on giving.
Steal A Cop Car
No one appreciates a good joke more than your local law enforcement. This year, it’s time to get on their good side with a simple but effective April Fools’ Day gag. Let me break it down into steps for you.
Step One: Call 911 with a bogus call about having an “intruder in the house” or something.
Step Two: While the police are searching your house for the burglar that doesn’t exist (a prank within a prank!), run outside and steal one of their cars.
Step Three: Go on a high speed pursuit, getting on live TV, and making all of America think you’re a fugitive (prank the whole country!)
Step Four: Get arrested and represent yourself in court, in direct opposition to the judge’s recommendation (prank our legal system!)
Step Five: Go to prison for 3-5 years, marking yourself as a felon and making it incredibly difficult for you to get a job again and THAT’S RIGHT THIS WAS SECRETLY A PRANK ON YOURSELF THE WHOLE TIME! A SELF-PRANK! YOU GOT YOU SO GOOD. You should see your face right now. Your bruised, battered, prison-tat-covered face. You look like a damn fool!
Happy April Fools’ Day, you jokesters.