Getting Back In the Game: Apartment Hunting (As A Couple)

Eric glanced over his shoulder guiltily as he browsed Zillow at his desk. He knew he had more important things to do, like his job, but he just couldn’t bring himself to focus. Ever since him and Alyssa had agreed to move in together, it seemed like he couldn’t think of anything else. He was excited. Excited to move in with the girl he loved. Excited to take the next step in a relationship for the first time in his life. But most importantly, he was excited to live in a nice apartment. The amount he could save by splitting a one-bedroom instead of living alone was incredible, and for the first time in his post-grad life, apartment hunting was an exhilarating journey rather than a depressing task.

He talked to himself gleefully as he narrowed his Zillow search criteria. “Ok, Eric. You’ve got the location, bedrooms, and max price. What about features? Let’s see here. In-house washer and dryer? Of course. You’re an adult now, you can’t be washing your clothes in a janky coin-operated machine in the basement. Honestly, at $2.50 a wash, I’m pretty sure this will save you money in the long term.”

His internal monologue continued as he fantasized about his new life. “Pool? You know the answer to that question. Can’t live in such a sunny city without having a place to enjoy the summers. Gym? Need it. Balcony? Gotta have it. Garage? You need a place to the store the whip, don’t you?” Fidgeting with excitement, he clicked search and gazed blissfully at the apartments shown to him, clicking away to his heart’s content, when all of a sudden he saw it. His dream home.

It was a 600-square-foot one-bedroom, and every inch of those square feet was blanketed with a soft, white carpet. Well, except for the bathroom and kitchen, of course. That would be weird. It had everything he had asked for and more. Walk-in closet. Floor-to-ceiling windows. Dish washer. Garbage disposal. All utilities included. And the best part – it was available at the end of the month. Fumbling for his phone, he texted his girlfriend.

Eric [3:18pm]: BABE. I found our new place. It’s perfect. It has a walk-in for all your clothes and a view of the river. Just check out this link and if you’re down, I can set up a showing this weekend.

Eric [3:38pm]: I’m just gonna sign us up for a tour on Saturday. Can’t let this place slip through our fingers lol. Let me know when you’ve looked at the link.

Eric [3:42pm]: God I’m stoked for an in-house washer and dryer. Can you imagine all the money we’re going to save?

Alyssa [5:11pm]: Hey so I finally got a chance to look at the listing. Some of us have to actually work at work… 😉 But are we sure we want a high rise? I mean, the place is beautiful but it’s so small and it’s right downtown which is going to like double my commute. I thought we were talking more about a condo or even a house if we found one that’s affordable?

Eric [5:24pm]: I mean the only place we could afford a house would be in the burbs and I’m not trying to settle down and do like happy hour at Chili’s as our big night out on the weekends. We’re in our mid-twenties, shouldn’t we be in the center of all the fun and nightlife and everything?

Alyssa [5:31pm]: You’re being reallll dramatic lol. I’m not trying to live in the burbs, I just think we can get a way bigger place if we’re not in a fancy downtown high rise. And again, this place is like an hour commute for me. Why don’t we try and find something that’s in between our works?

Eric [5:36pm]: Look who’s being dramatic now. Google maps says it’s like 25 minutes from this place to your office. And why do we need so much space? It’s just us two we don’t need a whole house to ourselves, you know?

Alyssa [5:41pm]: I literally just searched Google maps and it said one hour and four minutes. Did you check how long it takes in the middle of the day, or during rush hour?

Alyssa [5:41pm]: And I’m not saying we need to get a house! I’m down with an apartment. I just think this one is small and not worth the money. I know you’re excited about it, but maybe if you had waited to get my input you wouldn’t have booked a tour without making sure I also liked it!

Eric [5:57pm]: You’re really just against this dope apartment because I booked a tour without asking you first? It’s not like I went behind your back, I literally just didn’t want to wait until you had a chance to look. This place isn’t going to be available for long. Sorry I was excited to look for our new place together.

Alyssa [6:07pm]: I’m not against the “dope” apartment because you booked the tour without asking me. I’m against it because I don’t think it’s a “dope” apartment. I think it’s a tiny overpriced box that reels people in with balconies they can’t grill on and a pool with noise regulations. I’m just saying that if you had listened to me when we talked about what kind of places we both liked, you would have known that this wasn’t the compromise we agreed to.

Eric [6:14pm]: No offense, but that compromise kind of sucks. I’m moving in with you so I can live in a nice place for once and I don’t understand why you’d want to stay in the same shitty apartments we’ve been living in. Plus, I think the amenities are totally worth the rent. Shit, just the washer and dryer will save us a good chunk of change.

Eric [6:19pm]: I didn’t mean that’s why I’m moving in with you, I just meant that’s a huge bonus that I feel like we’re not capitalizing on.

Alyssa [6:21pm]: Speak for yourself about your shitty apartment. I like my place and the only reason I wanted to move out because, unlike you, I actually wanted to live WITH YOU.

Eric [6:24pm]: Babe, I want to live with you. That’s obviously why I’m doing this. I just think this apartment would be super cool for us to live in together, that’s all. But if you don’t like it, then it’s not an option. I just hate thinking about all the money it would have saved us on washing our clothes…

Alyssa [7:02pm]: WHY DO YOU KEEP BRINGING UP THE FUCKING WASHING MACHINE?? Even if you did a load of laundry once a week, that’s like $260 over the course of a whole year and I KNOW YOU DON’T DO LAUNDRY ONCE A WEEK. You’re pissing me off. I’ll talk to you later.


  1. Eric wants to try sex against the window looking over the river. We all know it. He knows it. Alyssa needs to get on board.


  2. House hunting right now and I feel every bit of this. “What the fuck does a home “speaking” to you even mean??”


  3. When I do idiotic things around girls I remember people like Eric exist and then I feel better


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: