If I Were A Billionaire, I Wouldn’t Starve Myself Like Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey

“Just hanging out in my kitchen, fantasizing about being able to eat again in like 30 hours.”

Tech company founders and CEOs have amassed gobs of money by creating and/or running companies who offer products that are slightly amusing for a short amount of time at best, and are actively facilitating our society’s decay at worst. For example, Twitter is a delightful little app who’s primary allure is “Being able to anonymously type out slurs in all-caps at people you don’t like.” For this innovation, Twitter co-founder and CEO Jack Dorsey has seen his net worth rise to $5.3 billion and his mind sink into insanity.

I understand that you have to be slightly eccentric in order to create and preside over a tech company who’s flagship product allows users to freely send death threats to people they find undesirable, but I think it’s safe to say that Twitter co-founder and CEO Jack Dorsey has officially crossed over the Rubicon of eccentrisim and into full-blown sociopathy with this new article about his routine. Gaze upon Jack’s “health” habits in horror.

Per The Daily Mail:

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey only eats between 6.30pm and 9pm on weekdays

He fasts through the weekend and admits he initially felt he was hallucinating

Social media website found says he has more time and experiences clarity

He walks an hour and 15 minutes to work in California daily to feel ‘alive’

But not without starting the day with an ice bath in between sauna sessions

He even keeps a near-infrared light over his desk to continue the sauna benefits

Billionaire doesn’t have a personal trainer and doesn’t go to the gym but uses an app for seven-minute workouts

Dorsey meditates daily in morning and before bed, tracking sleep on Oura Ring

What an atrocity. This is the antithesis of every fantasy you’ve ever had about coming into riches.

But the main thing I want to focus on is his dietary habits. At least Powerball winners get to enjoy a taste of the high life before blowing through all their money. Jack here literally doesn’t get to enjoy the taste of anything because the motherfucker barely eats! If I were obscenely wealthy like that, I’d take care of my body in one of two ways: Gorging myself into becoming a robber baron fat cat by way of the finest meals, drinks, and desserts every waking hour of my day; or hiring the best personal trainers on Earth to become insanely jacked and fueling myself with the freshest and cleanest foods available. Either way, I sure as shit wouldn’t starve myself for days on end.

I also love how under the point about how Jack was first hallucinating when he started his starvation diet, he says that he experiences clarity. Yeah, nothing says “clarity” like seeing pink elephants dancing around the room.

The rest of Jack’s regimen includes taking an ice bath bath everyday, because somehow sitting in the equivalent of Lake Michigan’s water in winter helps enlighten the mind when it comes to making a decision to ban people who constantly run afoul of his platform’s TOS, and walking over an hour to work when he could be cruising to Twitter HQ in a Bugatti. But that stuff pales in comparison to the crazy (And dangerous) starvation diet Jack puts himself through. I can’t get over choosing to do that, mostly because that’s not a choice sane people make unless they are nearly forced into something like that. Maybe if Jack won’t use his ample resources to nourish himself properly, he can spare some for the far less fortunate in this country who aren’t choosing to starve because of some new-age bullshit diet trend.

Via The Daily Mail


  1. You will never have to worry about what you will eat if you are a billionaire. Or a millionaire. Or probably even a half-millionaire.


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