We’ve got some majors and minors in the holiday department this week. Easter and Passover are here, but so isn’t National Garlic Day. Here’s the rundown.
Monday, April 15th:
Income Taxes Due
Which of you waited until the last minute? Admit it.
That Sucks Day
Yes, it does suck that I had to pay taxes this year.
Or as we call it in Massachusetts, Marathon Monday.
Rubber Eraser Day
I do love me good pencil and eraser.
Titanic Remembrance Day
No, not the movie. The actual boat.
World Art Day
I always wished I’d had some artistic talent.
National Take a Wild Guess Day
I feel like a majority of my life is spent guessing.
National Glazed Spiral Ham Day
You’d think this would be on Sunday with Easter?
National Education and Sharing Day
Can’t really make a snarky comment here.
Tuesday, April 16th:
Something I don’t eat!
National Eggs Benedict Day
Something else I don’t eat! Gonna get so skinny today.
National Librarian Day
Remember going to the library in elementary school? Good times.
National Stress Awareness Day
Oh trust me, I am aware of my stress every day.
Save the Elephant Day
You can make a donation here.
National Orchid Day
I can’t tell you how many orchids I’ve murdered.
National Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day
I mean, you should probably check with human resources first. Just to make sure.
National Healthcare Decisions Day
You know, I’ve learned a lot about my own healthcare over the last year or so. It’s complicated and confusing, but it’s important that you know what’s up.
National Bean Counter Day
I suck at math, but I admire people that don’t.
Wednesday, April 17th:
Blah, Blah, Blah Day
Is this the same thing?
Pet Owners Independence Day
Have we pet owners have been oppressed and I missed it?
National Bat Appreciation Day
The baseball kind or the flying rodent kind?
National Ellis Island Family History Day
National Haiku Poetry Day
Haikus are cool
They aren’t hard to write
See I just did it.
National Cheeseball Day
OMG, I used to love that orange cheeseball with the nuts on the outside we had at Christmas when I was kid.
Thursday, April 18th:
International Juggler’s Day
I tried to juggle once. It didn’t end well for those coffee mugs.
National High Five Day
Any excuse to use one of my favorite gifs.
Newspaper Columnists Day
Seriously, journalism is more important now more than ever. Support your local paper.
National Lineman Appreciation Day
Like the football kind or the guy that climbs the pole outside my house to fix my internet? We really need these holidays to be a little bit clearer.
National Animal Crackers Day
I’m boycotting animal crackers ever since they let the animals out of the cages.
Get to Know Your Customers Day
As opposed to not knowing them?
National Poem In Your Pocket Day
I give you permission to carry my haiku in your pocket.
Friday, April 19th:
One for Catholics!
Passover begins at sundown
And one for the Jews!
National Hanging Out Day
Hanging out on a work day? Blasphemous!
National Oklahoma City Bombing Commemoration Day
Again, go learn something.
National Garlic Day
I love garlic, but I do not love my breath after garlic.
National Amaretto Day
Not a fan.
National North Dakota Day
I mean, it’s a state. That’s really all I know.
Saturday, April 20th:
Husband Appreciation Day
Can’t appreciate what you don’t have.
Look Alike Day
The only person I look like is my dad.
Volunteer Recognition Day
Many great organizations wouldn’t function without volunteers. Be sure to recognize one today.
National Lima Bean Respect Day
No. Just no.
National Cheddar Fries Day
Yes. Just yes.
National Pineapple Upside Down Cake Day
Maybe. Just maybe.
National Auctioneers Day
I always thought I’d make a good auctioneer. I talk really fast.
Sunday, April 21st:
National Kindergarten Day
Shouldn’t this be a weekday when kindergarteners are actually in school?
National Chocolate Covered Cashews Day
I can finally eat chocolate again today and I assure you it won’t be chocolate covered cashews.
National Yellow Bat Day
Does anyone else call this a wiffle ball bat? Just me?
Jesus has risen and I can have a Reese’s egg. All the blessings.