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This Week In Ridiculous Holidays: May 6th – May 13th

Yet again this week, we have a healthy balance of important and completely unimportant holidays. National Nurses Day and World Red Cross Day? Important. No Socks Day and Moscato Day? Not as much. But to each his (or her) own.

Monday, May 6th

National Nurses Day

Such important people.

National Beverage Day

I love all beverages!

Melanoma Monday

I’ve had melanoma twice. Get your skin checked, people.

No Diet Day

Well, if you insist…

National Crepe Suzette Day

…I shall indulge.

National Tourist Appreciation Day

I hate them in my own city but enjoy being one in other cities. If that doesn’t make me an asshole, I don’t know what does.

Tuesday, May 7th

National Packaging Design Day

Geez, there really is a day for everything, isn’t there?

National Paste-Up Day

Um, what?

National Barrier Awareness Day

Um…again…what?

National Roast Leg of Lamb Day

I’m gonna pass. But thanks.

National Foster Care Day 

This is something I really want to do in the future.

National Teacher Appreciation Day

Shout out to our resident teacher, Miss Mackay.

Wednesday, May 8th

National Coconut Cream Pie Day

Meh.

National Have A Coke Day

I’ll make mine a Coke-Zero, please.

National Receptionists’ Day 

One of the most important people to befriend in any office.

National Third Shift Workers Day 

Ugh, how do people work late at night? I couldn’t.

National Outdoor Intercourse Day

I mean, as long as I don’t have to see it, go for it.

No Socks Day

Particularly with sandals.

World Red Cross Day

Good people doing good work.

National School Nurse Day

Dealing with pukey kids as a career? SALUTE.

National Bike To School Day

Don’t forget to wear a helmet!

Thursday, May 9th

National Lost Sock Memorial Day

But really…where do they go?!

National Moscato Day

Not my favorite, but I’m not gonna turn it down.

National Butterscotch Brownie Day

Can’t say I’ve ever had a butterscotch brownie.

National Sleepover Day

OMG, sleepovers with your friends when you were a kid were so fun.

Friday, May 10th

National Clean Up Your Room Day

If your room doesn’t look like a hotel, you aren’t doing it right.

National Lipid Day

National FAT day? No, thanks.

National Shrimp Day

Enjoy your shellfish, friends.

National Washington Day

The state? The city? The president? Clarification, please.

National Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Behind every hero is…another hero.

National Provider Appreciation Day 

Provider of…what?

Saturday, May 11th

National Eat What You Want Day

Every.day.

National Twilight Zone Day

Also every.day.

National Foam Rolling Day

I’ve tried and it doesn’t really do anything for me?

National Birth Mother’s Day

No snarky comments here.

National Babysitter’s Day

Babysitting was my second favorite job I’ve ever had, after driving the beer cart at a golf course.

National Dog Mom’s Day

I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a dog mom.

National Train Day

Choo choo!

National Archery Day

Do people actually do archery?

National Miniature Golf Day

Still one of my favorite date activities.

Cornelia De Lange Syndrome Awareness Day

Go here to learn more.

Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day

Every year, I put out a bag of food. Every year, my mailman doesn’t take it.

Sunday, May 12th

National Odometer Day

Like in my car? Why is that something to be celebrated?

National Nutty Fudge Day

I love a good nutty fudge.

National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

I have a few friends with fibromyalgia and it’s no joke. So raising awareness is super important.

Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there!

National Limerick Day

Happy Mother’s Day Limerick:

There’s a lady in each of our lives

Who endured all the lows and the highs

That her children went through

Like the mumps or the flu

Or the joy of a pleasant surprise

She strengthened our family ties

And wiped away tears from our eyes

She forgave all our flaws

And our social faux pas

And she baked really great apple pies

She saw through almost all of our lies

And plied us with sodas and fries

When our manners were good

And we did what we should

She was righteous and caring and wise

So to Mothers, both present and past

For the many good deeds you’ve amassed

I honor you all

With this verse on my wall

And I hope that your day is a blast

(I totes stole this from the internet. Thanks, some dude named Neil)

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