Yet again this week, we have a healthy balance of important and completely unimportant holidays. National Nurses Day and World Red Cross Day? Important. No Socks Day and Moscato Day? Not as much. But to each his (or her) own.
Monday, May 6th
National Nurses Day
Such important people.
National Beverage Day
I love all beverages!
I’ve had melanoma twice. Get your skin checked, people.
No Diet Day
Well, if you insist…
National Crepe Suzette Day
…I shall indulge.
National Tourist Appreciation Day
I hate them in my own city but enjoy being one in other cities. If that doesn’t make me an asshole, I don’t know what does.
Tuesday, May 7th
National Packaging Design Day
Geez, there really is a day for everything, isn’t there?
National Paste-Up Day
National Barrier Awareness Day
National Roast Leg of Lamb Day
I’m gonna pass. But thanks.
National Foster Care Day
This is something I really want to do in the future.
National Teacher Appreciation Day
Shout out to our resident teacher, Miss Mackay.
Wednesday, May 8th
National Coconut Cream Pie Day
National Have A Coke Day
I’ll make mine a Coke-Zero, please.
National Receptionists’ Day
One of the most important people to befriend in any office.
National Third Shift Workers Day
Ugh, how do people work late at night? I couldn’t.
National Outdoor Intercourse Day
I mean, as long as I don’t have to see it, go for it.
No Socks Day
Particularly with sandals.
World Red Cross Day
National School Nurse Day
Dealing with pukey kids as a career? SALUTE.
National Bike To School Day
Don’t forget to wear a helmet!
Thursday, May 9th
National Lost Sock Memorial Day
But really…where do they go?!
National Moscato Day
Not my favorite, but I’m not gonna turn it down.
National Butterscotch Brownie Day
Can’t say I’ve ever had a butterscotch brownie.
National Sleepover Day
OMG, sleepovers with your friends when you were a kid were so fun.
Friday, May 10th
National Clean Up Your Room Day
If your room doesn’t look like a hotel, you aren’t doing it right.
National Lipid Day
National FAT day? No, thanks.
National Shrimp Day
Enjoy your shellfish, friends.
National Washington Day
The state? The city? The president? Clarification, please.
National Military Spouse Appreciation Day
Behind every hero is…another hero.
National Provider Appreciation Day
Saturday, May 11th
National Eat What You Want Day
National Twilight Zone Day
National Foam Rolling Day
I’ve tried and it doesn’t really do anything for me?
National Birth Mother’s Day
No snarky comments here.
National Babysitter’s Day
Babysitting was my second favorite job I’ve ever had, after driving the beer cart at a golf course.
National Dog Mom’s Day
I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a dog mom.
National Train Day
National Archery Day
Do people actually do archery?
National Miniature Golf Day
Still one of my favorite date activities.
Cornelia De Lange Syndrome Awareness Day
Go here to learn more.
Stamp Out Hunger Food Drive Day
Every year, I put out a bag of food. Every year, my mailman doesn’t take it.
Sunday, May 12th
National Odometer Day
Like in my car? Why is that something to be celebrated?
National Nutty Fudge Day
I love a good nutty fudge.
National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day
I have a few friends with fibromyalgia and it’s no joke. So raising awareness is super important.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of the moms out there!
National Limerick Day
Happy Mother’s Day Limerick:
There’s a lady in each of our lives
Who endured all the lows and the highs
That her children went through
Like the mumps or the flu
Or the joy of a pleasant surprise
She strengthened our family ties
And wiped away tears from our eyes
She forgave all our flaws
And our social faux pas
And she baked really great apple pies
She saw through almost all of our lies
And plied us with sodas and fries
When our manners were good
And we did what we should
She was righteous and caring and wise
So to Mothers, both present and past
For the many good deeds you’ve amassed
I honor you all
With this verse on my wall
And I hope that your day is a blast
(I totes stole this from the internet. Thanks, some dude named Neil)