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Terrible Movie Thursday: Eurotrip

Let’s cut to the chase: how the hell does Eurotrip, a classic teen comedy from the early 2000s, only have a 47% approval rating on Rottentomatoes. While maybe not on the same level as classic teen comedies like Mean Girls or Superbad, Eurotrip was a fun as all hell time for those of us in our formidable years who had never been to Europe, tripped on Absinthe, or seen a live girl topless.

So I have taken it upon myself to explain why these professional critics were entirely wrong in their assessment of Eurotrip.

Critics Consensus

A trip worth taking if one’s not offended by gratuitous nudity and bad taste.

Excuse me? You are aware of this film’s target audience, right? It’s made for frat guys, stoners, and immature adolescents who think jokes about a dude getting groped on a train are funny. So just say that.

Now we have to admit…

  • This movie is never getting made in 2019. The homophobic jokes, the misogynistic character of Cooper, casually dropping the word “retarded,” and the multiple incidents of sexual assault portrayed in this movie. It’s a blue-haired social justice warrior on Twitter’s wet dream. There’d be boycotts outside the studio until whoever greenlit this project was strung up on the lot like Saddam Hussein.
  • Every one of the male characters in this movie suuuuuuck. Scottie is the epitome of a beta, but worse yet he’s a complete moron. Jamie is the constant wet blanket who makes out with his sister (which is both an overplayed trope and just icky). Even Cooper, who is supposed to be the comic relief isn’t just offensive, he’s not funny. His catch phrase “this isn’t where I parked my car,” is cringingly bad and he is somehow always uncool enough to end up as the butt of the joke.
  • The whole premise of the movie is ridiculous. I mean, during their entire correspondence, Scottie and his pen pal Mike never had any conversation that would clue him in that she’s a girl. He speaks German well enough to have these conversations, but not well enough to figure out she’s been using feminine pronouns and possessives? And he doesn’t even realize her name isn’t the English shortening of Michael, something his brother in middle school figured out. How the hell is Scottie graduating, let alone passing German, being that dumb?

But come on guys…

  • The premise is flawed, but the plot itself is fun. It’s a simple road trip comedy, but it’s at least unique in that we get the European-based jokes like pot shops in Amsterdam, the line outside the Louvre in Paris, and even the impoverished nation of Slovakia.
  • Everything about the scene where they end up on a bus with Manchester United football hooligans is pure brilliance. Vinnie Jones is hilarious, and watching Scottie fumble his way nervously through the club’s fan song will never stop being funny.
  • This movie is such a 2000s nostalgia trip. I mean, we have Kristen Kreuk in this movie! There is no more 2000s celebrity than Kristen Kreuk. Is she still alive? Is she still on Smallville? Is Smallville still on television?
  • And we have peak Michelle Trachtenberg? Remember when she was like the it girl for like two years? It was her, the Olsen Twins, Lindsay Lohan, Amanda Bynes, Hillary Duff, and Hayden Panetierre. Who would have thought that, almost 20 years later, none of them would be famous. But all of them are still hot (yes, I’m including Lohan, she still got it).
  • The fight between Scottie and the robot outside the Louvre is always good for a chuckle. It had drama, tension, and a character saying (in French) “Ow! My robot balls!” If that’s not peak comedy, I don’t know what is.
  • This movie gave us a top five fictional music band in Lustra, fronted by Matt Damon in maybe his best role outside an Ocean’s or Jason Bourne movie. “Scottie Doesn’t Know” is an all-time banger and I will not hear any differently! Scottie doesn’t know! Scottie doesn’t know! Scottie doesn’t know!

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