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Insufferable Product Reviews: Lululemon Work Pants

The Clock Out has a bunch of different personalities on its staff. As I’ve read everyone’s posts, I think something has presented itself to me: I’m the closest we have to millennial scum. Trust me, I’m ok with that. I say that I aim for about 3 eye rolls per post. Let me be the equivalent to Jersey Shore reruns that you watch on a hungover Saturday afternoon. Or, you can hate-read my pieces. We get the click either way.

With that knowledge, I decided that it might be fun for you all to see what I think of some things I use in my day to day life. So I introduce to you: Insufferable Product Reviews with me. These will be one of two things; either an honest review of something insufferable, or an insufferable review of a normal everyday product. This week will be the former.

I used to shun LuluLemon. I shuddered at the idea of spending $38 on boxers, and acknowledged the stigma that came with the brand. Yet the more I tried to get away from it, the more prevalent it became in my life. I have a few friends that work/worked there. At one point, even my own mother had a side hustle where she worked holidays and summers instead of teaching summer school (which is sad, we should pay our teachers). So, I had connections, and those connections have employee discounts. I don’t know how much I can say, but they get incentivized for buying clothes for the men in their life, because they too are aware of the stigma that comes with their logo.

Fast forward a few years, and I am walking into the Lulu store with shame in my heart. I am about to spend an absurd amount of money on their Commission pants, because I need them. My job requires me to be in the car for anywhere from 3-6 hours a day, visiting different customers. Being in the Bay Area means even though I only have to go a few miles, I’m going to be in the car for a while. But wearing dress pants is a nightmare, because they crease, aren’t breathable, and just generally uncomfortable. Enter Lululemon.

These pants look just like regular dress pants to the untrained eye, but they’re essentially work-legal sweats. I hate how much I love them. They are only an elastic band at the ankle away from  joggers that you might wear after work or to a lazy weekend brunch. They have your usual colors like navy, charcoal, khaki, black, etc. so that they blend in even more. If I were flexible enough, I could do the splits in them. Instead, I cross my legs with confidence at the meetings that run an extra half hour. I don’t mind when the office temp is turned up a little too high for my liking, because I know my pants won’t show my sweat marks in the back of my knees. Not to mention the fact that nothing fits me this well except my suit pants, and I refuse to have work pants tailored. These thunder thighs stay wrapped in Warpstream™ fabric in a way that says modern, but not in an emo revival cover band. You won’t have to change if you get invited to a round of golf in the middle of the day, if you’re lucky enough to get invited. Plus, I have just enough ankle to show off my fun socks for work days (we will get into this on another post, surely).

Living in the Bay Area and working in “tech” comes along with an image. Somewhere in Palo Alto, or maybe on Market Street in San Francisco, is patient zero of the “tech bro” look: plaid button down, Patagonia fleece vest (company logo embroidery optional), and these damn pants. I’ve tried to avoid this look for years, and I guess you could say I’m ⅔ of the way there, since my company is far too cheap to ever spring for Patagonia. Even the name screams douchebag. “Commission Pant” directly translates to “pulling in a sick deal for Q4, bro” in tech bro speak.

If I’m honest with myself, this was an inevitability. I used to subscribe to the notion that you shouldn’t spend that much on your work clothes, because they aren’t as fun as your casual/weekend stuff. Splurge on the stuff you’re actually excited to wear, but make sure you have something presentable for your 9-5. Wearing these pants around has made me flip idea on its head. You spend most of your time at your job, in work clothes. You owe it to yourself to make sure you have something that you’re comfortable in. You might just find something that you actually love wearing out of necessity. If you have the money and the need, head over to your local Lulu and wear these out of the store. Don’t be alarmed if you feel a magnetic pull to a SoulCycle class, that’s par for the course.

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Ben Jammin (Shithead)
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Ben Jammin (Shithead)

If you drop the first two paragraphs you might have something. Just review the pants and make it funny. If you need too put the review into the context of ‘you,’ then the writing can’t stand on its own.

Ben Jammin
Editor

To*

Please stop. This is embarrassing.

lawcuck
Guest
lawcuck

Damn kinda want to drop 100 bones on a pair now

hectorhammond
Guest
hectorhammond

uniqlo 4 life

TyroneBiggums
Guest
TyroneBiggums

I’ve got a pair of these bad boys, they’re ballin’.

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[…] The second installment of the series, check out #1 here. […]

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[…] this one is the closest to a feminine tote bag that we use, but I’m usually at the store in my lululemon commission pants, so my cover is already blown. the little guys are so clutch for lunches too. They’re […]