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College can take you in many directions. Frat/Srat star, business-hardo, philanthropy guru, dominator of intramural sports, and borderline alcoholic are all titles we can hold during college, but what happens when it’s over? Have I graduated from business hardo to real world business douche? Am I officially an alcoholic for drinking half priced Long Islands at 2:30pm on a Tuesday? I have absolutely no idea what the answer is, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever find out, but my guess is it’s like playing Grand Theft Auto without any cheat codes. Fucking miserable.
My first 2 weeks of post-grad haven’t been standard considering I don’t start full time work until October, yet I’d like to share my findings from “the real world” with you for educational purposes.
Student Loans Are Real
Student loans are like Khaleesi’s dragons. They crack out of there shell cute as a button, small, and harmless, but once they’re full grown those beasts can do some damage. My baby dragons grew into Drogon 2.0’s. Those itty-bitty loans I thought I was taking out somehow got the same implants as Kim Kardashian and grew to an disproportional size. I’m scared. I never thought these payments would be due and now there are legitimate dollar amounts expected of me every month for what seems to be the rest of my life. I should’ve done a 6th year.
Rent Costs Big Boy Money
I’ve always loved the phrase, “college rich.” Being college rich was the best feeling in the world. Whether it was a big week beating the bookie, the family hooking it up with money for your birthday/holidays, or hustling your ass off selling pot, having that extra guap to get double meat and guac at Chipotle is an unparalleled feeling. Now, rent in Center City, Philadelphia is involved, and I will no longer get that feeling of being college rich in spurts. That was actually mad sad to type out and I think a piece of me just died but I’ll be alright.
Waking Up Early Is Highly Underrated
My class schedule used to revolve around getting an excess amount of sleep. Whether it was only scheduling afternoon classes, or taking easy gen ed’s in the morning so I could skip them, I always slept in. Some would call it lazy but I called it a lifestyle, and a lifestyle it was. Recently, I’ve made the switch to a 9am alarm to prepare myself for the real world and I’ve noticed the mornings are actually super underrated. I have more time to do things like write, go to the gym, argue with people on Twitter, and drink more coffee than ever before. There’s something special about being half asleep while sipping an Iced Red Eye at 9:24 AM as Joe Rogan explains intermittent fasting and DMT.
Too Much About Accounting
As an ex-business-hardo and current business-douche(?) I fell into a large bear trap and majored in accounting. Apparently, the 5 years of learning I did wasn’t enough, and now I’m studying for the CPA and losing my damn mind. I’ve studied 8 hours a day for the past 3 weeks ( you do the math I’m sick of it) and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not as bad as being in jail, but I think I would enjoy the type of jail that’s not for murders, ya know? Like the ones where you play tennis with ex-bankers all day? That seems nice. Anyway, is there any chance I can go back to school and pick a new major really quick?
So, that’s what I’ve learned in my 2 weeks as a postgraduate. It’s been a rude awakening, but hopefully I learn a few more things along the way and figure this adult thing out.