I’ve seen a lot of tweets and folks, this one’s a real stinker. Don’t get me wrong, the whole saga of Big Bad Bagel Boy is a nightmare. For those of you who are behind on the Internet, here’s a recap.
- A short, slightly tubby and extremely balding man is being a prick to women at a bagel shop.
- Short, slightly tubby and extremely balding man attributes his anger toward women to his (admittedly depressing) experience on dating apps.
- The short, slightly tubby and extremely balding man squares up with a much taller slightly tubby man with decent hair. It does not end well for the shorter man.
Also here’s the video.
There are four good seconds of that video and it’s the point directly after “hit me then big fella.” Dude has issues and he got tackled for it. The Internet is making a mockery of him (which, considering the circumstances, is bound to end poorly) and we’ll be talking about some other new situation by Friday.
Let’s get back to Twitter user @StevenWFarrell’s absolutely god-awful tweet, though. There are levels to this. First and foremost, however, is the intro. I truly hope that Steven opens every conversation, online or off, with “God I’m so glad I’m 6’4.”
“Hey Steve-O, how’s the missus?”
“God I’m so glad I’m 6’4. Her hip is still acting up but she’s eating a lot better.”
“What’s up Steve? Watched that new Spiderman yet?”
“God I’m so glad I’m 6’4. Checking it out tomorrow Ted thanks for asking.”
“Oy, Stevie! You have to make five basketball shots or face certain death?”
“God I’m so glad I’m 6’4.”
It’s either that or there aren’t many situations where Steven gets to casually drop his height in which case I get it. There are very few Snake Plissken situations popping up in real life, after all.
Also, Steven, I think that the Queer Eye boys have better things to do than deal with a short, slightly tubby and extremely balding man with that much hate in his heart. There’s a divorcee with a heart of gold and a lack of confidence out there who’s much more deserving than Bagel Boy.
Maybe, for the good of everyone, Bagel Boy should bounce off Bumble and get super into VR porn. As for you, Steven, congrats on being 6’4.