Getting Back In The Game: Breaking The News

This is a weekly series. To read past columns, click here.

Eric [2:38pm]: Hey dudes. I know we’re having an important talk about what rooftop bar we’re hitting after work, but I have some news. I think I’m going to propose to Alyssa when we’re in Italy next month.

Jack [2:51pm]: That’s cool. Anyway I was thinking let’s hit up Centennial’s because they just added those shuffle board courts plus they have decent happy hour deals. Y’all down?

Jack [2:51pm]: Just kidding. What the fuck? When did you decide this? I mean, Alyssa’s awesome and way out of your league, so I get it, but it’s kinda quick, right?

Eric [2:52pm]: Lmao you fucking asshole.

Eric [2:53pm]: But yeah it’s something I’ve been thinking about for the last couple months. We’d be dating for almost two years when I propose, and if we do a year-long engagement, it doesn’t seem that crazy to me. Plus, proposing on the coast of Italy is the best story ever.

Kyle [2:56pm]: Dude that’s awesome! For real though, you’ll have the trump story anytime people start asking for proposal stories. My brother proposed in his backyard and his wife just lies when we people ask lol.

Andrew [2:58pm]: Yoooo that’s tight dude. You know being the first wedding means it’s gonna be a fucking shitshow, right? Jack will probably bring a Tinder date as his plus one.

Jack [3:01pm]: You’re damn right I will, and she’ll be hotter than whatever girl you’re “dating but not dating” next year.

Eric [3:03pm]: Hahaha that’s hilarious that you think any of you guys are getting plus ones. It’s a toss up if you’re even gonna get invites, you fucking animals.

Andrew [3:05pm]: Woah what about Hillary? We’ve been together for a minute.

Eric [3:06pm]: You mean the girl we’ve only met four times who won’t post pictures of you on social media? Definitely not.

Jack [3:07pm]: Yeah, because if she came she’d probably bring her husband and that’ll completely throw off the seating arrangements.

Kyle [3:07pm]: I’m bringing Jack’s mom as my plus one.

Eric [3:10pm]: You guys convinced me, I’m not proposing anymore.

Jack [3:11pm]: Lol. So what’s your plan? You gonna have a speech prepped or just wing it? How are you gonna sneak the ring into your luggage? Have you asked her dad yet?

Eric [3:15pm]: Shit dude, I don’t know. I haven’t even bought the ring yet. Do I have to tell her dad? Is that still a thing in 2019?

Andrew [3:21pm]: I think it depends on what Alyssa would want. Have you asked her? She knows this is coming, right?

Eric [3:23pm]: Fuck no, why would I ruin the surprise and tell her I’m gonna propose?

Kyle [3:25pm]: Dude, you don’t have to ruin the surprise, but you have to know she’s down to marry you. You’ve never talked about marriage and what her timeline or expectations are or whatever?

Jack [3:27pm]: I don’t think I’ve ever said this before, but Kyle’s 100% right. You can’t just spring marriage on someone.

Eric [3:42pm]: I’m not springing it on her, she’s definitely down to get married. She’s been dropping hints like crazy. Plus who can say no to a proposal in Italy? I’ll figure out about the dad thing though, that’s a good idea.

Andrew [3:44pm]: You gotta get that ring size, too. Steal one of her rings and take it to the jeweler when you go.

Eric [3:45pm]: Oh yeah, good looks.

Jack [4:12pm]: Duuuuude. I’m not trying to be a dick, because I’m sure Alyssa wants to marry you, but you should really have a straight forward talk with her about wanting to get married like in the next year or whatever.

Jack [4:12pm]: Sometimes people just have different timelines, you know? Remember what happened to Brett when he proposed to his girlfriend right after graduation? And they’d been together like 5 years.

Eric [4:16pm]: Didn’t he propose when he was hammered like on her sorority house lawn? I get what you’re saying man, but I know Alyssa and I are on the same page with this.

Eric [4:49pm]: Anyway onto more pressing matters…Centennial for rooftop beers?


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