Well, hello there, friends… it’s been awhile. Today I’m sharing silly answers to silly questions from PeteByrnes, a contributor for The Clock Out. In addition to writing insufferable product reviews, Pete also has a French bulldog, Beef, which immediately has skyrocketed him to someone that I’d hang out with. To clarify, I’m talking about hanging out with Beef… but based on how Pete answered these silly questions, he seems like a good dude, too.
Do you have any hidden talents?
I can crack my knuckles continuously on my right hand.
Can you describe your job in a haiku:
Pause Mad Men for client calls
What is it you do?
Editor’s Note: Half haiku will be accepted for half credit, thank you.
How many hot dogs can you eat in one sitting?
I’d say a 12 pack, but potato salad gets in the way.
Who killed JFK?
Are there any bad trends that you participated in that you would like to apologize for now?
All of them. Worst of all was the sneaker collection and LRG.
Name 5 things that are moist:
My French bulldog’s face folds.
Which 4 other writers from The Clock Out are you taking with you to be a street fight… like in West Side Story?
DJ Crime Dawg, Brian Bisgard, Delph’s kid… Can we count Icehouse?
(Yes, we can.)
Tell me about the last time you had an “Oh shit” moment:
I locked myself out of my house this morning.
Do you put your toilet paper over or under?
Over, the patent for the roll of toilet paper shows it going over.
What is the most random fact that you know?
When leaving their caves, bats always turn left.
Do you lick it, flick it, or stick it?
Count Chocula; Lucky The Leprechaun; Captain Crunch; Trix The Rabbit; Tony The Tiger; Snap, Crackle, Pop (Tag Team)… What cereal mascot wins in a cage match?
It’s the crazy squares from Cinnamon Toast Crunch, they eat each other.
What would you name your boat?
Describe your worst hangover.
Two-day hangover after a wedding. Sweated out vodka sodas and menthol cigarettes on a 6 AM Monday morning flight home, and went straight into work.
Would you rather always have sand in your shoes or always have damp hair?
Damp hair, because I’m always hot, and the damp hair might help.
What quote or saying irks you the most?
When people say “for me, personally” it bugs me. Feels repetitive. Also, I hate it when normal people refer to their favorite sports team as “we”. You’re not playing, pal.
When you die and come back as a ghost, who are the top three people that you’re going to haunt the most?
I’d haunt places, not people. Disneyland, the Shark Tank, and my favorite brewery, Temescal, in Oakland Ca.
In the year 2028, would you let a dog drive your car?
No one will be driving in 2028!
What’s the going rate of your soul?
I’d give anything for a new pair of hockey skates right now.
Tell me about your most annoying coworker.
Just got off the phone with him. He described another coworker as “having a motorcycle outfit and whips in her closet for some sadist pleasures”. Unsolicited compliments to female coworkers. Really sucks.
Would you rather give up brushing your hair or brushing your teeth?
Hair, I think the unkempt look could work for me.
What always makes you ~*GiGgLe*~?
I still watch old Vine compilations on youtube. I really miss Vine.
What’s your favorite curse word?
It’s gotta be ‘fuck.’
For $1 Million, you have to either wear a cape every day for a year, 24 hours a day or an animal tail every day for a year, 24 hours a day. You’re going with…
Cape. Tail has some weird fetishes attached to it. I don’t want attention from the furries.