Sometimes you just need to watch a terrible movie. In that case, you should take a gander at The Clock Out on Thursdays, when Josh T. breaks down a classically terrible movie. No terrible movies today, folks. Instead, Josh decided to answer some silly questions. And kudos to him for a superb haiku.
Do you have any hidden talents?
Yes, but they’re so well hidden I haven’t been able to find them.
Can you describe your job in a haiku:
Talking to doctors
Drafting legal documents
Avoiding small talk
How many hot dogs can you eat in one sitting?
Maybe two or three.
Who killed JFK?
The Illuminati. Wake up sheeple!
Are there any bad trends that you participated in that you would like to apologize for now?
I wore those cargo pants that can be unzipped and turned into shorts. I do not regret this.
Name 5 things that are moist:
Sponges, dewy grass, used paper towels, tongues, and my back in the summer.
Which 4 other writers from The Clock Out are you taking with you to be a street fight… like in West Side Story?
DJ Crimedog – I know the homie always has me.
Delph – he’s the one on the site who probably has the most experience with weapons, which can’t hurt.
Jenna – because she’s the organizer.
Madoff – he’s got that old man strength.
Tell me about the last time you had an “Oh shit” moment:
Nearly forgot Mother’s Day and had to scramble.
Do you put your toilet paper over or under?
Doesn’t matter. I put the roll on, let the fates decide, and deal with the consequences.
What is the most random fact that you know?
Kangaroos can’t hop backwards. Thanks Daniel Tosh!
Do you lick it, flick it, or stick it?
Count Chocula; Lucky The Leprechaun; Captain Crunch; Trix The Rabbit; Tony The Tiger; Snap, Crackle, Pop (Tag Team)… What cereal mascot wins in a cage match?
Lucky, hands down. The guy is actually magical.
What is the worst advice you’ve ever gotten?
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.” Yeah, that does me good sitting in the middle of the desert with a broken rod.
What would you name your boat?
Waste of Money.
Describe your worst hangover.
It was my third year of law school, spring break. At this point, everyone in school has either gotten a job or accepted that they are going to be homeless and needing to pay student loans so we’re in complete “fuck it” territory. Night two I black out as my friends and I try to finish a bottle of Bacardi 151 (we made it impressively far). Woke up to rough waters and couldn’t fall back asleep. I’m still convinced that was my preview of Hell.
Would you rather always have sand in your shoes or always have damp hair?
Damp hair, easily.
What quote or saying irks you the most?
“Problematic.” I hate that fucking term. Whenever something is “problematic” it usually means someone said something uncomfortable but not actually offensive, so now instead of being adults and discussing whether that should actually be considered offensive, we’re going to shame someone for not actually doing anything wrong.
When you die and come back as a ghost, who are the top three people that you’re going to haunt the most?
My roommate freshman year of college and two of my former bosses.
In the year 2028, would you let a dog drive your car?
Fuck no. What the hell is going to happen to dogs and/or cars that makes you think they will be capable of not shitting in a car, let alone driving one, in nine years?
What’s the going rate of your soul?
A championship for one of my favorite teams every five years.
Tell me about your most annoying coworker.
She. Never. Shuts. Up. I mean, honestly she is always grabbing me and talking to me. About NOTHING, too. Like, I don’t need you to stop by and tell me you’re going out for lunch and you’ll be back in an hour. I’m a grown-up. I’ll survive without you.
Would you rather give up brushing your hair or brushing your teeth?
Brushing my hair, easily.
What always makes you ~*GiGgLe*~?
Seeing children fall and/or get knocked down.
What’s your favorite curse word?
For $1 Million, you have to either wear a cape every day for a year, 24 hours a day or an animal tail every day for a year, 24 hours a day. You’re going with…
If I can pick the animal, I’ll take the tail. Bear’s tail, by the way.