Terrible Movie Thursday: National Treasure

National Treasure is a fun and exciting action-adventure starring the greatest thespian to ever walk the Earth, Nic Cage. In it, he teaches us all a great deal about US History, how to use a water bottle as a makeshift magnifying glass, and how to love. But would you believe this treasure has only a 46% approval rating on Rottentomatoes?

Critics Consensus

National Treasure is no treasure, but it’s a fun ride for those who can forgive its highly improbable plot.

Highly improbable plot“?? I’m sorry, have you checked the back of the Declaration of Independence to make sure there isn’t a map to lost Freemason treasure? I didn’t think so.

Now we have to admit…

  • The dialogue is a little clunky. That’s it, that’s the only reasonable objection one could make about this movie. It’s a fucking adventure flick by Jerry Bruckheimer starring Nicholas Cage what the hell were you expecting?

But come on now…

  • Nic Cage, though the man will star in literally any movie and vacilates between either overacting or showing less emotion than a statue, actually is great. Yeah, his character is a knock-off of Indiana Jones, but Cage has enough charisma and quirky charm that it works.
  • The plot is great. I mean, there’s so much to praise in how they lay out the breadcrumbs in this mystery/chase. There’s not a lot that stands out as being incredibly convenient other than historical markers being incredibly well-preserved and the police showing a remarkable lack of competence.
  • Speaking of which, how does the fact that Harvey Keitel, aka the Wolf, aka Mr. White, is in this movie? I mean, he’s clearly there for a paycheck but I dug it.
  • This movie basically introduced the world to Diane Kruger, who is one of the most classically beautiful women I’ve ever seen. So thanks for that.
  • Justin Bartha, aka Doug from the Hangover, was solid as the comedic relief sidekick. Not great, but a good foil for Nic Cage’s more serious Ben Gates.
  • This movie is also notable for being one of the few in which Sean Bean does not die. He also plays the villain to a T, thanks to all that experience he got while playing 006 in Goldeneye.
  • “I’m gonna steal it…I’m gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.” That is a fucking all time great line and I will fight anyone who disagrees with that.

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