Columns

Reader Submission: Save the Environment! But Not at the Expense of the Office Keurig

This column is a reader submission from blondiewblues. To learn how to make a submission, click here.

As the 2020 election comes barreling towards us, some hot topics are unavoidable. Things like human rights issues, border security, and of course, climate change. As with most political topics there are two polarizing sides. The side that accept the scientific research and expert opinions, and those who film themselves shotgunning out of a freshly caught fish.

However, whether you believe in climate change or not, that shouldn’t really have any influence over your design to be eco-friendly. Even if the Earth and all its inhabitants weren’t facing impending doom, why not take the few steps to the recycling bin to ensure that? It’s trivial, really. Respect your home, your country, and your planet. Simple.

At least it should be. But mark my words when I say I would rather my future children die in my arms as Hellfire engulfs this earth before I even entertain the idea of getting rid of my office’s Keurig.

There are few things that get me through typing “per my last email” for eight hours a day. And, as someone who does not always participate in the lunchtime hour, I am dependent on coffee to keep my sanity. At the risk of sounding like the typical “don’t talk to me before I’ve had my coffee!” witch, seriously, don’t mess with my coffee.

In the reality in which we live, there are few other options for decent coffee options. My company has invested in a few of the typical millennial office must-haves. We have a ping pong table, stocked bar, and even kombucha on tap. However, it appears that a latte machine is a bit out of the budget or at least a low priority cost. So, without a Keurig, our other option is a good old-fashioned coffee pot. Which is insane.

There is no greater disrespect to a company’s employees than a standard coffee pot. The fact that they still exist outside of your parent’s house should be an HR violation in this country as a whole. I suffered, like so many other young Americans, with the standard coffee pot. We faced difficulties like that bitch in accounting who didn’t put the liner down properly, so we’re all drinking grounds. Or being the lone person wanting coffee at 2:30 pm but feeling too bad to make a new pot. Or the absolute worst, one time an anonymous monster put cinnamon in the grounds before brewing the pot to “spice it up a little.”

If you are itching to point out that reusable k-cups are a thing that exists, that is a fair point. In my house, I only use reusable K-cups. Then I wash them out properly after every use, like a normal person. However, as all of us who have ever worked in an office knows, basic household cleanliness can never be expected. Which is why my office, that frequently pushes for us to group volunteer clean up on the beach, has refused to buy reusable k-cups. If you can’t be trusted to soap down a spoon, you certainly can’t be trusted to dig out coffee grounds from small crevasses.

So, I, a person who supports agriculture by buying a tomato or two for $5 apiece at my local farmers market, love to form eco-friendly habits. I love it almost as much as I love pointing out when other people are making careless choices against the environment.

But I would happily watch the last polar bear cling to the remaining, lone iceberg as I sip my piping hot coffee made how I like it. 

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