Pancake, coffee, and strawberry cream pie days all in one week? Works for me. I’ll also just be singing “Baby’s Got Back” all week.
Monday, September 23
Celebrate Bisexuality Day
National Checkers/Dogs in Politics Day
I don’t know what the hell is this, but I love dogs, so I’m in.
National Great American Pot Pie Day
Are there different nationalities of pot pie?
National Snack Stick Day
Is there any food that’s not better on a stick?
National Teal Talk Day
Ovarian cancer is the 5th leading cause of cancer deaths in women and over 14,000 women died of it in 2018. Talk about it.
Restless Legs Awareness Day
Is this that thing when you can’t stop moving your legs when you are trying to sleep? It sounds horrid.
Happy Fall, y’all! You can officially start eating pumpkin spice everything without being mocked.
Tuesday, September 24
National Cherries Jubilee Day
No, thank you.
National Punctuation Day
Let’s debate the Oxford comma, shall we?
“The Schwenkfelders are the descendants of a small Protestant sect that sprang up in Germany around the time of the Reformation. They were followers of Caspar Schwenkfeld, a theologian. He and his followers separated from Protestant circles and formed the brotherhoods that still survive as the Schwenkfelder Church. Most Schwenkfelders now live in Pennsylvania Dutch country.” Ok then.
National Voter Registration Day
Register. It’s fucking important.
Apparently I’m supposed to focus on my personal well-being today, so I’ll be taking a sick day.
Wednesday, September 25
National One-Hit Wonder Day
What ever happened to Sir Mix-a-Lot?
National Comic Book Day
Fun Jenna fact: I was a big fan of Archie comics back in the day.
National Lobster Day
Hard pass on anaphylaxis, but the rest of you enjoy!
National Tune-Up Day
Can someone tell me the difference between a tune up and an oil change?
National Research Administrator Day
Math Storytelling Day
As in a word problem? No thanks.
National Women’s Health & Fitness Day
ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?
Thursday, September 26
National Compliance Officer Day
Seriously, compliance officers suck but they do have a job to do so don’t be an ass.
National Dumpling Day
National Johnny Appleseed Day
“John Chapman (September 26, 1774 – March 18, 1845), better known as Johnny Appleseed, was an American pioneer nurseryman who introduced apple trees to large parts of Pennsylvania, Ontario, Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois, as well as the northern counties of present-day West Virginia. He became an American legend while still alive, due to his kind, generous ways, his leadership in conservation, and the symbolic importance he attributed to apples.” We could probably use more Johnny Appleseeds now as we burn down the Earth.
National Shamu the Whale Day
The actual Shamu died in 1971. SeaWorld has been fooling us by using her name for other whales since then. I FEEL LIED TO.
National Pancake Day
Your move, IHOP.
National Situational Awareness Day
Pay attention to what’s happening around you, you selfish jerk.
Friday, September 27
National Chocolate Milk Day
Something we don’t enjoy enough as adults is chocolate milk.
National Crush a Can Day
And then put it in the recycling bin because you’re a good person.
National Corned Beef Hash Day
Not my fav.
National Gay Men’s HIV/AIDS Awareness Day
Get some resources here.
National Scarf Day
I try to hold off on scarves until October.
National BRAVE DAY
“National BRAVE Day honors women who lift each other up, rescue each other and make each other BRAVE.” Ladies, do this every day.
Saturday, September 28
National Drink Beer Day
I thought that was every Saturday during college football season?
National Good Neighbor Day
Honestly, it’s not hard not to be a jerk.
National Strawberry Cream Pie Day
National Hunting and Fishing Day
Not my jam, but you do you.
National Family Health and Fitness Day USA
ARE YOU CALLING MY FAMILY FAT?
National Ghost Hunting Day
Can’t we just let the ghosts be?
National North Carolina Day
Fun fact: The first miniature golf course was built in Fayetteville, leading to awkward first dates everywhere.
National Public Lands Day
Until the government takes them to build a fence or drill for oil or whatever.
Save Your Photos Day
Isn’t that what the cloud is for?
Sunday, September 29
National Coffee Day
Now it’s your move, Starbucks.
Given that all living Veterans would have fought in a foreign war at this point, is this redundant? But then again, I’m pro any day that celebrates Veterans.
National Gold Star Mother’s Day
You know how I feel about all of the extra parent’s days on top of Mother’s and Father’s Days, but anyone who lost their child making the ultimate sacrifice for our country can have all the damn days they want.