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Insufferable Product Reviews: The Sill

It might not surprise you that I’m weak when it comes to targeted ads on Instagram. If I see something moderately interesting, I’m going to click on it. In general, I’m a sucker for advertising. My mom tells a story: every Saturday morning, she would wake up to me, already awake for several hours, in front of the TV. I’d hand her my sketchbook with phone numbers, descriptions, and the prices of all the infomercial products I had deemed worth it to tell her about. I never got that Fushigi ball and I’m still bitter about it. So, it’s surprising that I finally pulled the trigger on a targeted ad. And yet, unsurprising, because of what I bought. 

We had just gotten back from the vet. Beef, the brilliant dog that he is, went exploring in our new backyard. He found what we didn’t know we had: a big rose bush. But Beef has what are known in the French Bulldog community as “bumpers”: eyes that bulge out of his head and are prone to bumping things. So when I say he found it, I mean he took a thorn to the cornea. Needless to say, the rose bush is gone. Fuck roses. But that means that I got hit with this ad at the perfect time, because I had plants on the mind. Scrolling through Instagram after I put the medicated gel into my dogs eye, I saw a plain white background with a cute little succulent in a pot. 

The Sill is essentially an online nursery. They have stores, but their online presence is where the bread is buttered. Go to their site and you will see a bunch of gorgeous, healthy plants, photographed as if they’re on the cover of Vogue. I really appreciate the pictures of the plants without a pot, just in the nude. It makes me laugh. Everything on the site is perfect for decorating your house with something that is alive, and isn’t from Ikea. They also have little guys for decorating your depressing cubicle, even though I don’t know if you can call them cubicles anymore because mine only has little half-walls. Let’s go with “designated depression space”. So put a bright yellow pot with a little heart shaped succulent in the corner of your designated depression space and feel a little bit better about eating the same canned soup 5 times a week. 

They’ve got a subscription because everyone does, and yes, I’m on it. I can customize my color of pot before the shipment comes in. Then, when they ship, they let you know what you’re getting and the care instructions for it, so that you can plan where to put your new plant friend. I’ve got a Spider Bonnie plant coming in the next few days, and I have to look for a good place to put this guy. Leave suggestions for names in the comments. 

The reason they earned my business was a pet-friendly section, which the trauma ridden French Bulldog was thankful for. I watched him take a huge bite out of our marbled peperonia that we named “Pepper Pots”, so we’re happy this idiot didn’t die from that. They also just released a like of faux plants for you dummies that can’t figure out how to keep a cactus (the plant that lives in the desert) alive. 

Plants are cheap, pots are expensive as hell. I looked it up and I can find these plants on other sites for really cheap, but they come in those plastic pots that have holes in the bottom. The plants aren’t intended to stay in them, and it would really kill the look you’re going for to be too cheap to buy a nice pot for your new friend to go in. So you can look up pots at other stores and sites: hideous and 50-60 bucks for something that has any weight to it. The subscription pots come in a bunch of different colors and are pretty simple. If you want to get crazy, you can go look on the site for the non-subscription plants. Spiral-guy is my favorite. You’ll know it when you see it. 

Another thing I love about these guys is their ability to set the scene doesn’t stop at lively plants around the house. They have curated Spotify playlists! Each one represents a month, and the songs convey the feeling of that month pretty well. They’re diverse, typically pretty easy listening, and perfect for writing Insufferable Product Reviews. I’m listening to the September playlist, even though it’s October, because I’m a rebel, and because I saw Steve Lacy on this one. I’m guessing this is also what’s playing in their stores in LA, SF, and NYC. But really, any time I can put on a playlist that I’m confident I can just let run while my girlfriend’s parents come by for an undetermined amount of time is aces in my book. 

Are succulents and houseplants a millennial stereotype? Sure, but I’m here to fearlessly play into stereotypes and hold my head high. Wow, I’m so brave. The Sill is a great way for you to get through the scariest part of buying plants: knowing what to buy. Instead of going to Home Depot and buying something that needs 19 hours of moderate sunlight because you don’t know what you’re looking for, they’ve got you covered. The right plant, that you probably won’t kill, shipped right to your door. 8.5/10

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Name it Anne after notorious pirate Anne Bonny