Twenty Reader Generated Laws For The Office

On Friday, I rather offhandedly sent the following tweet:

And people had plenty to say. So, without further ado, here is the reader generated list of office laws:

  1. Thou shall not jam the copier and walk away. [via mmmk8]
  2. Headphones mean you can’t hear us but we can still hear you. [via DJCrimeDawg]
  3. Religion & Politics no go for office discussions. [via tolson00]
  4. If you don’t like your chair bring it up with your boss, don’t swap it for someone else’s and hope they don’t notice. [via PoundtownTX]
  5. Use headphones with your phone instead of subjecting everyone else to the hell sounds of your Candy Crush break. [via Heavy D]
  6. Universal signs we’ve made long enough eye contact for an acknowledgement of existence, but there is not a need for conversation: Head nod, Throwing it low, “What up” [via Brian Bisgard]
  7. 3 sniffles/throat clearing/ hearty coughs and YER OUT [via Kat Pat]
  8. Don’t take the Wall Street Journal in the shitter, then plop it back on the break room table when you’re done with your, um, business. [via Scott Pilchard]
  9. No brushing your teeth or shaving in the office bathroom. [via Zack Smith]
  10. You can only make me look at and comment upon one baby picture per pay period unless we are actually friends. [via Trenton Smith]
  11. Pleasssse no nail clipping 😞 [via Kristen Creager]
  12. Stairs only if are only going up one floor. [via Marcus M]
  13. Cell phones must be on vibrate. [via Allison Wiley]
  14. If you’re in a cube farm or open floor. Keep your phone on SILENT. [via TrainDudeRandy]
  15. Should not need to be said, but no phone calls in the bathroom either. [via Remy Maccoli]
  16. No audible, personal music. Looking at you 87-year-old AP clerk [via Mike M]
  18. Don’t email someone then immediately walk to their workspace and ask if they’ve “seen your email yet” from 3 min ago. [via Ben DeLost]
  19. No conversations in the bathroom. If you see someone you know, you don’t know each other in there. [via Andy]
  20. And because people are still apparently doing this because mmmk8 texts me every time it happens at her office…let’s repeat, for the love of god, don’t microwave fish in the office.  

So what have you learned here? People are super-sensitive about cell phones, Marcus is judgy of people who are lazy (read: me), and we’ve all got some issues with the bathroom.

Can we all agree that 2020 be the year that we at least stop nuking seafood? That’s just gross in general.


  1. I’m torn on the teeth brushing. I would much rather people brush at the office than have to deal with the coffee/lunch/morning breath of some coworkers. Granted, these are not likely the people to brush at the office, but I want them to know it’s an option.


  2. How do people think nail clipping is ok? Also, expand the microwaving fish to any food that is overly pungent.


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